The holiday season.......as much as I enjoy it, and I totally do, it's my favorite time of year, this year I am happy that it's almost over. Two reasons; for one, I really miss our families this year and Christmas was just not the same here in CA instead of in MI, and two, the faster its over the faster I get to see my parents for our cruise!! I cannot wait for that!
Other than waiting for the holidays to be over, we really did have a good Christmas. A got some new games, books, jeans, beer, wine, and I got some new earrings, a bread makers, pjs, and books. We have great families who love us a lot and get us nice stuff.
As for the babymaking, still trying as usual. Who knows, maybe we will get a miracle this month?
We went to church for the first time in a long time on Christmas Eve and I really felt like the priest was speaking right to me, I actually got tears in my eyes. It was a pretty moving experience. I am going to try and go more often, not every Sunday, just when I can. No need to make a committment that I am not sure I can keep.
On another note. Last weekend. Weird and good and bad.
Friday was mundane, I had to work and when I got home I had a bad headache, so I went and laid down and didn't really do anything. On Saturday I was extremely lazy, spent most of the day laid out watching Lifetime movies (they are good at this time of year, all holiday oriented) until it was time to get ready for A's office Christmas party. We went to the local inn and had dinner and some drinks and then moved onto one of his coworkers houses and played a game, drank some more (I smoked two or three times that night, not sure why really, but it gave me a really bad sore throat the next day) and then proceeded downtown. We went to two bars, drank more, and "danced" a bit. The quotes are for me at least, I know I wanted and tried to dance, not sure how I really did/looked. It was fun. I felt okay until we left. I couldn't walk back to the car. A and a friend helped me, A drove us home (I think I was passed out) and when we got out of the car to go inside I fell. It was great. I woke up the next morning feeling like absolute crap with bruises all down my right side - head, shoulder, hip/butt, knee and foot. And a bruise on my left foot from where someone stepped on my foot. I got sick and didn't really move from the bed much. It took me til about 5 to even feel semi-human. It was an embarassing recollection, let me tell you. I don't remember the last time I was ever that drunk, or if I ever was. Sad huh?
As for this "weekend", Wednesday, I got out a bit early, we went to church and watched a movie that night, Thursday, Christmas Day, we watched the Disney parade, ate breakfast, opened gifts, watched movies, ate and ate and ate. It was nice. Yesterday we went to Target to return a game that A got two of, got a Costco membership and shopped there, went to lunch at Olive Garden for salad and breadsticks, and saw Bedtime Stories before going to a friends home for board games and beverages. I did not drink much, yay for me. A had fun and I was the DD. Not sure what the plans are for today. Enjoy my day off definitely. Maybe job search. I have slacked off on that and become more laidback about searching, even though I am still unhappy. New year, new job maybe??? :-)
Anyway, that's a ton for today. New year, better blogger too? We will see...........
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
My mid montly update..........
So I started posting earlier this week, but then we decided to go out to dinner. And then we stayed home, but I didn't feel like getting my computer out and trying again.
So what has been happening. This past cycle was a bust, big surprise there! Though I was sad about starting my period, we had fun last weekend. We went out w/some friends for dinner and drinks on Friday night in downtown. Played pool, listened to some music, generally had a pretty good time. Then on Saturday I got a little bit more shopping done for A. I still need to finish him, I think I am going to try this week. Later on Saturday we drove a bit up north and visited w/some friends. Their town has a holiday walk around a lake. There are carolers, hot cider, cotton candy and other stuff, along with all the houses along this closed down road being lit up for people's viewing pleasure. Afterwards we hung out there for a bit, had some drinks, sat around a fire, played darts (well I attempted, FAIL!). It was a little bit saddening as I felt as if everyone there had kids or was expecting, but it was fun other than that.
Sunday we pretty much stayed home, baked some cookies and relaxed, it was pretty nice. I baked some more cookies Monday night and sent one batch to my brother and one batch to my best friend.
We wrapped up presents for our families and got those boxed and ready to go. We shipped those out yesterday, along with going to see Four Christmases (good movie), going to look at the ocean and watch some otters and pelicans for a bit, and then heading out for a nice dinner. We went to a local Italian place, started at the bar for a glass of wine, then went and had dinner. It was expensive, but super good. Then we came home, lit the tree and some candles and listened to Christmas music, and then.............well I don't think I need to describe it. I prayed while we did, and cried a little. I am not sure how pathetic that is on a scale of 1-10, but I am guessing it's pretty high up there.
Anyway, as for today I think we are going to build our gingerbread house. Silly I guess, but it looked like fun. I am going to try and finish Christmas shopping for A this week. I can't believe that next weekend is the last one before Christmas. This season seems to be flying by! I guess in a way that's good, seeing as how I have been having more trouble this year than last being away, and it makes our cruise come faster. I cannot wait to see my parents! My dad got laid off this last week. Hopefully it is just temporary like he says. I cried when he told me and he laughed at me and told me that things were fine. But I worry about him and my mom. They shouldn't be going through this at this point in their lives. They are getting ready to retire. They have put in their time. I guess a lot of people probably feel that way too though.
Anyway, on to the online ads, see if anything else that I need to buy for A is on sale this week.
Til next time...............
So what has been happening. This past cycle was a bust, big surprise there! Though I was sad about starting my period, we had fun last weekend. We went out w/some friends for dinner and drinks on Friday night in downtown. Played pool, listened to some music, generally had a pretty good time. Then on Saturday I got a little bit more shopping done for A. I still need to finish him, I think I am going to try this week. Later on Saturday we drove a bit up north and visited w/some friends. Their town has a holiday walk around a lake. There are carolers, hot cider, cotton candy and other stuff, along with all the houses along this closed down road being lit up for people's viewing pleasure. Afterwards we hung out there for a bit, had some drinks, sat around a fire, played darts (well I attempted, FAIL!). It was a little bit saddening as I felt as if everyone there had kids or was expecting, but it was fun other than that.
Sunday we pretty much stayed home, baked some cookies and relaxed, it was pretty nice. I baked some more cookies Monday night and sent one batch to my brother and one batch to my best friend.
We wrapped up presents for our families and got those boxed and ready to go. We shipped those out yesterday, along with going to see Four Christmases (good movie), going to look at the ocean and watch some otters and pelicans for a bit, and then heading out for a nice dinner. We went to a local Italian place, started at the bar for a glass of wine, then went and had dinner. It was expensive, but super good. Then we came home, lit the tree and some candles and listened to Christmas music, and then.............well I don't think I need to describe it. I prayed while we did, and cried a little. I am not sure how pathetic that is on a scale of 1-10, but I am guessing it's pretty high up there.
Anyway, as for today I think we are going to build our gingerbread house. Silly I guess, but it looked like fun. I am going to try and finish Christmas shopping for A this week. I can't believe that next weekend is the last one before Christmas. This season seems to be flying by! I guess in a way that's good, seeing as how I have been having more trouble this year than last being away, and it makes our cruise come faster. I cannot wait to see my parents! My dad got laid off this last week. Hopefully it is just temporary like he says. I cried when he told me and he laughed at me and told me that things were fine. But I worry about him and my mom. They shouldn't be going through this at this point in their lives. They are getting ready to retire. They have put in their time. I guess a lot of people probably feel that way too though.
Anyway, on to the online ads, see if anything else that I need to buy for A is on sale this week.
Til next time...............
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Busy weekend
Happy Thanksgiving and all that jazz. It's a little late, but I am writing!
Although we were away from family for Thanksgiving again, we had a nice one. A and I made a turkey, stuffing, mashed potates and gravy, corn, sweet potatoes, etc, etc. It was really good. We ate around 4:30 then relaxed and watched The Incredibles. Pretty good movie, I hadn't seen it before.
On Friday I (unfortunately) had to go into work for a bit to do Payroll and such. Then A and I relaxed for a bit and then went shoppingat Kohl's and Michaels. We have most of our Christmas shopping done for our families, just have to pack it up and ship it. So happy about that!
On Saturday we started decorating the house inside and then went out to dinner and had a beer at a local bar. Today we finished the tree and decorated the outside. Went to Target and got a price adjustment on one of ours gifts and then ran to Walmart to exchange something that didn't work and got some pop and water, which we needed.
Here are some pics of our place w/Christmas decor. :-)
As for the infertility, as I mentioned in the last post, we will continue to try on our own (which we have, with me mentally coaching us on) and proceed further in Feb when we are done with the holidays and our cruise. I am sure the time will go faster than I expect or so I hope.
I just thought of something, I should have taken a pic of my turkey and my pie for this. Oh well, maybe next time.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday news
So we went to see the doctor today and talk with him about what we discussed on the phone. He went more into detail, but mostly told me what we had talked about earlier. I was glad that A was there so he could hear what the doc had to say. A wants me to start taking aspirin and see if that helps in the meantime and would like to start w/IUI if anything. I was thinking that too, but at the same time I am feeling like if we are going to do it, we should just do it. I don't know, because at the same time I don't know what I will do IF it doesn't work. The doc thinks I am thinking wrong, but I wouldn't during it, I would think... this is it, this is going to work, etc etc, but what IF it doesn't? I don't know if I could handle it. It's a really scary prospect.
So obviously we will need to discuss more and we will because we won't ever do either until February at the earliest, which right now seems SO FAR AWAY, but I know that we are in the middle of a cycle right now, around Christmas should be the middle of another and then it will January and we will be thinking about our cruise, which starts on the 23rd. So we just try on our own. Maybe, just maybe it will happen. Wouldn't that be the BEST Christmas gift ever?
Work is the same ol same ol. Sucks. Getting hard to go in everyday. So boring and monotonous. And my male boss and I are not getting along all that great anymore and his kids are even annoying me sometimes. I need a break. This cruise can't come fast enough. :-)
I think it's a combo of the holidays and this IF stress that is causing it, but it's difficult right now.
I am going to go though and try to do some research before bed.
So obviously we will need to discuss more and we will because we won't ever do either until February at the earliest, which right now seems SO FAR AWAY, but I know that we are in the middle of a cycle right now, around Christmas should be the middle of another and then it will January and we will be thinking about our cruise, which starts on the 23rd. So we just try on our own. Maybe, just maybe it will happen. Wouldn't that be the BEST Christmas gift ever?
Work is the same ol same ol. Sucks. Getting hard to go in everyday. So boring and monotonous. And my male boss and I are not getting along all that great anymore and his kids are even annoying me sometimes. I need a break. This cruise can't come fast enough. :-)
I think it's a combo of the holidays and this IF stress that is causing it, but it's difficult right now.
I am going to go though and try to do some research before bed.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
life goes on..
This is going to be a short one.
I made an appt with the doctor today for A and I to go in and talk to him this upcoming Monday.
I think we have kinda made the decision not to start much until Feb after we return from our cruise. Probably the best idea, and it gives a chance to save up some more money in order to do.. something.
I am tired lately. I have been going to bed later (for me) around 10:30 or so and I am really feeling the difference.
We cleaned the house tonight, so that makes me feel better.
We went to a friends party on Saturday night, we had a blast.
Talking about having a Christmas party like we used to back in MI, but I haven't quite decided yet.
Bouncing around from subject to subject I know, but I just wanted to check in real quick and post something, but I feel like I still don't have much to say.
I think a lot and I am trying to keep track of any questions I think of for the doc, but otherwise, just living life day to day. Nothing has really changed I guess............
I made an appt with the doctor today for A and I to go in and talk to him this upcoming Monday.
I think we have kinda made the decision not to start much until Feb after we return from our cruise. Probably the best idea, and it gives a chance to save up some more money in order to do.. something.
I am tired lately. I have been going to bed later (for me) around 10:30 or so and I am really feeling the difference.
We cleaned the house tonight, so that makes me feel better.
We went to a friends party on Saturday night, we had a blast.
Talking about having a Christmas party like we used to back in MI, but I haven't quite decided yet.
Bouncing around from subject to subject I know, but I just wanted to check in real quick and post something, but I feel like I still don't have much to say.
I think a lot and I am trying to keep track of any questions I think of for the doc, but otherwise, just living life day to day. Nothing has really changed I guess............
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
lost..........
Why is one sometimes surprised by something that they have been expecting to happen for months? I got a call from the doc today. He said that my results from my biopsy came back fine (so that is good, as he said - I have velcro, so my fertilized egg will stick to and implant in my uterus), but based on my clotting test (remember the 4 issues I had?) and the fact that I have endometriosis, I will have to have either an IUI or IVF to get pregnant. I know I am glossing over things right now. I am still in shock. Silly me huh? I should have expected this I know, but I think you always hope that everything will be okay. Anyway, he actually recommends moving onto IVF because he thinks I will have a better chance with that. It breaks my heart. Obviously I know that I am not the only person going through this and I am alive and healthy otherwise, but I feel broken. Aptly put I think. That's about it for tonight. I just can't think of anything else I don't really know what else to say.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tired
Oh so tired. I am ready to go to bed and it's only 8:36 as I begin typing. This could partly be because of the 22 oz of beer that I had with a heavy dinner. Yeah that is probably it.
I have gotten into Facebook quite a bit lately. I check it at work a few times a day and again at night before I go to bed. The funny thing is, it's not even that exciting. I think one of the reasons that I check it at work is because the Nest is too time-consuming and I have been busy lately and it's quick to get on, check how things are, and sign back out. Anyway, I have a couple of applications going - MyFarm, MobWars, LilGreen Patch, and now YoVille. So it's fun to check those. I like MyFarm the best though.
Another interesting topic - yesterday was Election Day. I voted for Barack Obama, A voted for John McCain. Obama ended up winning the election - he is now the President Elect. He will be sworn into office in January. Hopefully he does the best job that he can do and help to turn this country around. I am not big into politics, not good at arguing or stating my opinion, as I don't really feel that I have much information to base it off of, but I think (crossing my fingers here) that this will be a good thing for our great nation.
Onto cycle news as always (seeing as how I use this blog to chart where I am and what we are doing doctor wise, it makes sense), I am on CD 22. I don't really have any syptoms (for the impending flow or the potential baby) so as of now I am holding out hope. Yeah I know, like normal huh? I should be hearing about my test results sometime soon I hope, so that should at least give us an idea of where to go if nothing else. I hate thinking and or talking about my cycles, as I feel like I jinx myself every month, but I have to be lucky sometime one would think.
My mom went to see my old OB/GYN the other day (we went to the same one) and mentioned to her where we are at and she said that she hopes it happens for us soon. I know this sounds strange to a lot of people, but I liked her a lot and I miss her as a doctor. I felt like she understood me and had my best interests at heart and wasn't shooting into the dark, she seemed like she always had a plan. Plus I trusted her. I wish I could have been able to go to her and tell her I was pregnant and have her deliver my baby. She preformed surgery on my mom and me and she was just wonderful. hmmm, someday huh? Well not someday she will deliver the baby, seeing as how we live 2500 miles away now, but maybe someday a baby.
Only 2 more days of work then I get to go to Hallmark. I am excited. Tonight we stopped at Walmart so I could pick up some things to send to my little brother as a care package. He should be pretty excited to receive it. A thought it was a good idea, so we bought some Mac n Cheese, some soup, Cheetos, Pringles, Sour Patch Kids, muffin mix, 3 little candles and some body wash. Hopefully he likes it and it helps him save a little bit of money for himself.
Well, like I said, I am totally exhausted. I am going to head to bed to read a bit and then crash. Nighty night!
I have gotten into Facebook quite a bit lately. I check it at work a few times a day and again at night before I go to bed. The funny thing is, it's not even that exciting. I think one of the reasons that I check it at work is because the Nest is too time-consuming and I have been busy lately and it's quick to get on, check how things are, and sign back out. Anyway, I have a couple of applications going - MyFarm, MobWars, LilGreen Patch, and now YoVille. So it's fun to check those. I like MyFarm the best though.
Another interesting topic - yesterday was Election Day. I voted for Barack Obama, A voted for John McCain. Obama ended up winning the election - he is now the President Elect. He will be sworn into office in January. Hopefully he does the best job that he can do and help to turn this country around. I am not big into politics, not good at arguing or stating my opinion, as I don't really feel that I have much information to base it off of, but I think (crossing my fingers here) that this will be a good thing for our great nation.
Onto cycle news as always (seeing as how I use this blog to chart where I am and what we are doing doctor wise, it makes sense), I am on CD 22. I don't really have any syptoms (for the impending flow or the potential baby) so as of now I am holding out hope. Yeah I know, like normal huh? I should be hearing about my test results sometime soon I hope, so that should at least give us an idea of where to go if nothing else. I hate thinking and or talking about my cycles, as I feel like I jinx myself every month, but I have to be lucky sometime one would think.
My mom went to see my old OB/GYN the other day (we went to the same one) and mentioned to her where we are at and she said that she hopes it happens for us soon. I know this sounds strange to a lot of people, but I liked her a lot and I miss her as a doctor. I felt like she understood me and had my best interests at heart and wasn't shooting into the dark, she seemed like she always had a plan. Plus I trusted her. I wish I could have been able to go to her and tell her I was pregnant and have her deliver my baby. She preformed surgery on my mom and me and she was just wonderful. hmmm, someday huh? Well not someday she will deliver the baby, seeing as how we live 2500 miles away now, but maybe someday a baby.
Only 2 more days of work then I get to go to Hallmark. I am excited. Tonight we stopped at Walmart so I could pick up some things to send to my little brother as a care package. He should be pretty excited to receive it. A thought it was a good idea, so we bought some Mac n Cheese, some soup, Cheetos, Pringles, Sour Patch Kids, muffin mix, 3 little candles and some body wash. Hopefully he likes it and it helps him save a little bit of money for himself.
Well, like I said, I am totally exhausted. I am going to head to bed to read a bit and then crash. Nighty night!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Bad blogger
So I have gotten really bad at this blogging thing lately. We have been busy and I just got over a horrible sickness. These are my excuses :-).
Since the last post - that day I started a new cycle (not 6 days or more like the doc suspected, but 1.5 days after the procedure, lucky me). It was a really heavy, crazy heavy flow, but it only lasted about 4 days (ahh the joys of medicine), which hasn't been common since I was on the pill (now almost two years ago). Other than that I have had a pretty normal cycle, some spotting starting while we were at Disney and ending when I had that weird stomach bug. I am crossing my fingers for this month (like usual), but we will see.
The election is ALMOST OVER! Two more days. I am so completely happy. Hopefully things die down - obviously we will discuss the new president and what they do right or wrong, but we won't have to listen to people trying to sell themselves and put down others as much. Sigh, it will be so nice.
Christmas is coming! Only about 53 more days! I can't wait. It's the same every year. It's my favorite holiday. We have started shopping a little bit. Just a few things here and there for people. Hopefully we won't have to pick up anything last minute. Cross your fingers.....
So as I said we have been busy lately. Two weekends ago we bought new car. A 2009 Saturn Aura. I like it quite a bit. It took me a few days though, I loved our Vue and was sad to have to turn it in. But it's turned out okay.
Last weekend we had our trip to Disney. It was so much fun! We had a blast. Went down to Anaheim on Friday night after work, went to Disneyland on Saturday, and then California Adventure on Sunday and drove home Sunday night. I wish we could go back already. It was decorated great for Halloween too. I love Disney. :-)
On Tuesday after returning A woke up feeling kinda sick, but soon felt better. I went to work and as the day wore on I started feeling HORRIBLE. It got worse and worse and close to 1pm I went home. Proceeded to lose my food in the two ways possible :-( for the next 2 days. Finally went back to work on Friday morning. It was the worst I felt in a long long time. And I hope not to feel that way again soon. Funny thing is --- girl barfing = girl pregnant --- everyone was asking if I was pregnant or not. How I wish it was that easy...........
We had a good weekend this weekend. Went shopping at Target and Kohl's yesterday and then had pizza and a movie at home, and then today I got up early and started dinner in the crock pot - beef stew, and made some bread for dinner. We did laundry and a little shopping again, Old Navy, BB&B, CostPlus, and Trader Joes. Then came home, undecorated from Halloween, had dinner and relaxed.
It was nice.
Tomorrow it's back to the grind. I am going to bed early tonight to catch up. We gained an hour today, but I didn't get any extra sleep so I am tired from a busy day. Can't wait until next Saturday. It's the Hallmark open house. I always get all my Christmas cards and some cute stuff from the store. It kinda makes me sad too, my mom and I used to always do that together. I miss spending time with her, especially on "our" days.
Love you Mom.
Since the last post - that day I started a new cycle (not 6 days or more like the doc suspected, but 1.5 days after the procedure, lucky me). It was a really heavy, crazy heavy flow, but it only lasted about 4 days (ahh the joys of medicine), which hasn't been common since I was on the pill (now almost two years ago). Other than that I have had a pretty normal cycle, some spotting starting while we were at Disney and ending when I had that weird stomach bug. I am crossing my fingers for this month (like usual), but we will see.
The election is ALMOST OVER! Two more days. I am so completely happy. Hopefully things die down - obviously we will discuss the new president and what they do right or wrong, but we won't have to listen to people trying to sell themselves and put down others as much. Sigh, it will be so nice.
Christmas is coming! Only about 53 more days! I can't wait. It's the same every year. It's my favorite holiday. We have started shopping a little bit. Just a few things here and there for people. Hopefully we won't have to pick up anything last minute. Cross your fingers.....
So as I said we have been busy lately. Two weekends ago we bought new car. A 2009 Saturn Aura. I like it quite a bit. It took me a few days though, I loved our Vue and was sad to have to turn it in. But it's turned out okay.
Last weekend we had our trip to Disney. It was so much fun! We had a blast. Went down to Anaheim on Friday night after work, went to Disneyland on Saturday, and then California Adventure on Sunday and drove home Sunday night. I wish we could go back already. It was decorated great for Halloween too. I love Disney. :-)
On Tuesday after returning A woke up feeling kinda sick, but soon felt better. I went to work and as the day wore on I started feeling HORRIBLE. It got worse and worse and close to 1pm I went home. Proceeded to lose my food in the two ways possible :-( for the next 2 days. Finally went back to work on Friday morning. It was the worst I felt in a long long time. And I hope not to feel that way again soon. Funny thing is --- girl barfing = girl pregnant --- everyone was asking if I was pregnant or not. How I wish it was that easy...........
We had a good weekend this weekend. Went shopping at Target and Kohl's yesterday and then had pizza and a movie at home, and then today I got up early and started dinner in the crock pot - beef stew, and made some bread for dinner. We did laundry and a little shopping again, Old Navy, BB&B, CostPlus, and Trader Joes. Then came home, undecorated from Halloween, had dinner and relaxed.
It was nice.
Tomorrow it's back to the grind. I am going to bed early tonight to catch up. We gained an hour today, but I didn't get any extra sleep so I am tired from a busy day. Can't wait until next Saturday. It's the Hallmark open house. I always get all my Christmas cards and some cute stuff from the store. It kinda makes me sad too, my mom and I used to always do that together. I miss spending time with her, especially on "our" days.
Love you Mom.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Another Wednesday
So time for a much needed update....
I got a raise! $1/hr, so not too shabby. I was pretty excited about it.
A and I are going to Disneyland next weekend, I am super excited. And as far as I know we are also going on a cruise in Jan with my parents. Got the time off, just need to get the cruise booked. Yippee! That helps with the stress level.
I baked some cookies last week, but I forgot to take pics so I wasn't able to put up the recipe. It's one of our favorite kinds though, so next time I make them I will get some and put it up. They are delicious.
I had my endometrial biopsy on Monday. I was pretty nervous going into it, but it wasn't THAT bad, about as bad as my HSG or a little bit less.
I went in at about 1:55p for my 2pm appt. They took me back and asked if I had a full bladder, too bad I didn't as I didn't know it was necessary. So I got to sit in the exam room for 30 min drinking three huge glasses of water to get that going. Then he did the procedure. It was painful for maybe 5 sec. I just tried to keep breathing. So now all we need are these results and maybe we can make a plan.
That's about it for now. I have been sick the last two days (along with A) so I am headed up to bed for some much needed rest.
I got a raise! $1/hr, so not too shabby. I was pretty excited about it.
A and I are going to Disneyland next weekend, I am super excited. And as far as I know we are also going on a cruise in Jan with my parents. Got the time off, just need to get the cruise booked. Yippee! That helps with the stress level.
I baked some cookies last week, but I forgot to take pics so I wasn't able to put up the recipe. It's one of our favorite kinds though, so next time I make them I will get some and put it up. They are delicious.
I had my endometrial biopsy on Monday. I was pretty nervous going into it, but it wasn't THAT bad, about as bad as my HSG or a little bit less.
I went in at about 1:55p for my 2pm appt. They took me back and asked if I had a full bladder, too bad I didn't as I didn't know it was necessary. So I got to sit in the exam room for 30 min drinking three huge glasses of water to get that going. Then he did the procedure. It was painful for maybe 5 sec. I just tried to keep breathing. So now all we need are these results and maybe we can make a plan.
That's about it for now. I have been sick the last two days (along with A) so I am headed up to bed for some much needed rest.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Hump day
So I went to the doctor yesterday. I had an ultrasound to see how the lining was doing - turns out my body is not all that great at regulating, even when I am all drugged up. The lining looked okay the doctor said, but other than that, when he looked at my ovaries he said it looked like one was gearing up to release an egg, which when on estrogen, it is not supposed to do.
So I am to use OPK's until Sunday and if I don't get a positive by then I am supposed to start the progesterone as instructed. Then my biopsy would be on the 13th of Oct.
So we will see how that goes. Hopefully I can get through this cycle "correctly". It was somewhat depressing to think that my body cannot figure out how to do what its supposed to do on medicine - how is it ever going to figure out HOW to get pregnant, let alone carry a baby?
He also gave me back my results from A's test and my clotting test. A's test came back pretty much perfect, and mine came back showing slight problems. It is slightly confusing to understand because he didn't explain it in depth, as he didn't seem concerned at all. But out of 10 factors that can be abnormal, I came back with 4. Using his lingo it wasn't anything that "would make him jump out of his socks".
On a more chipper note, when speaking with one of my bosses, she mentioned a raise to me yesterday. We will see if it goes any further than that, but I will keep my fingers crossed for it. We have a big new project going on at work and I am trying to help out my boss with as many "little" (not always so little, but somewhat menial and time-consuming, but necessary, like taxes) things as I can, so they can focus on more important matters. So hopefully that is looking good and I will get rewarded for it. And also for the fact that when I am out of town, I am totally missed and they seem so grateful for me to return and pick up my "slack" again.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in real quick because I have been so lax lately. That's it for now though.
So I am to use OPK's until Sunday and if I don't get a positive by then I am supposed to start the progesterone as instructed. Then my biopsy would be on the 13th of Oct.
So we will see how that goes. Hopefully I can get through this cycle "correctly". It was somewhat depressing to think that my body cannot figure out how to do what its supposed to do on medicine - how is it ever going to figure out HOW to get pregnant, let alone carry a baby?
He also gave me back my results from A's test and my clotting test. A's test came back pretty much perfect, and mine came back showing slight problems. It is slightly confusing to understand because he didn't explain it in depth, as he didn't seem concerned at all. But out of 10 factors that can be abnormal, I came back with 4. Using his lingo it wasn't anything that "would make him jump out of his socks".
On a more chipper note, when speaking with one of my bosses, she mentioned a raise to me yesterday. We will see if it goes any further than that, but I will keep my fingers crossed for it. We have a big new project going on at work and I am trying to help out my boss with as many "little" (not always so little, but somewhat menial and time-consuming, but necessary, like taxes) things as I can, so they can focus on more important matters. So hopefully that is looking good and I will get rewarded for it. And also for the fact that when I am out of town, I am totally missed and they seem so grateful for me to return and pick up my "slack" again.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in real quick because I have been so lax lately. That's it for now though.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Time passes
So time passes, definitely. It's been a bit since I have written. Partly because I was out of town for the aforementioned tradeshow, partly because I have had trouble getting back into this for some reason.
I have felt more at peace this month. I can't really explain why, probably because the whole TTC journey is out of my hands right now. I started my last cycle and upon starting it, I also began taking estrogen. First two days was 3 pills a day, from the on 2 a day. I go to the doc tomorrow for an appointment (I believe there is an ultrasound), probably to see how everything is going? I am not really sure.
I start progesterone supplements on the 5th of Oct and continue those until the 14th. I have my biopsy scheduled for the 13th of Oct. So, my life as this point in time is definitely regulated. I am now out of my own control (other than remembering my medicine), and I am actually quite liking it. It also takes the stress off. I don't think we CAN get pregnant on the estrogen, so I am not even thinking about it. Plus it's not a normal month, in so many ways. Lets suffice it to say that no one deserves a month long period. Blah..... it could stop anyday now.
As for the job search. I am still listlessly searching. I have lost my extreme desire to get out. I am (for the time being, I guess) resigned and/or settled to what I am and where I work. I am sure that will change. Maybe it has to do with the whole infertility thing. One can only handle so much at once.
In regards to the job and traveling. It wasn't so bad this time. I saw my brother and his wife, my grandparents stopped in, and I got to see some good friends of mine from the show and meet some new people. All in all (if you disregard the show itself) it was a good time. And coming home to A was wonderful too. I slept for almost a day straight (that's right I had 2 days off after returning, it was pretty amazing) and relaxed - watching tv, reading, getting lunch with A. Made me want to never go back to work. Can I be a stay at home wife?? :-)
Other than that, life is pretty quiet I guess. I partied a bit in STL for the trade show, which was a blast. I haven't done anything like that in a long time. Reminds me that I am really not that old and I should still try to have fun sometimes. Especially considering once (if) we have kids, things will even change from how they are now, although it's pretty quiet and laid back (as in not much going out, other that dinner, shopping, etc).
I should go though. I will try to be better about posting again......
I have felt more at peace this month. I can't really explain why, probably because the whole TTC journey is out of my hands right now. I started my last cycle and upon starting it, I also began taking estrogen. First two days was 3 pills a day, from the on 2 a day. I go to the doc tomorrow for an appointment (I believe there is an ultrasound), probably to see how everything is going? I am not really sure.
I start progesterone supplements on the 5th of Oct and continue those until the 14th. I have my biopsy scheduled for the 13th of Oct. So, my life as this point in time is definitely regulated. I am now out of my own control (other than remembering my medicine), and I am actually quite liking it. It also takes the stress off. I don't think we CAN get pregnant on the estrogen, so I am not even thinking about it. Plus it's not a normal month, in so many ways. Lets suffice it to say that no one deserves a month long period. Blah..... it could stop anyday now.
As for the job search. I am still listlessly searching. I have lost my extreme desire to get out. I am (for the time being, I guess) resigned and/or settled to what I am and where I work. I am sure that will change. Maybe it has to do with the whole infertility thing. One can only handle so much at once.
In regards to the job and traveling. It wasn't so bad this time. I saw my brother and his wife, my grandparents stopped in, and I got to see some good friends of mine from the show and meet some new people. All in all (if you disregard the show itself) it was a good time. And coming home to A was wonderful too. I slept for almost a day straight (that's right I had 2 days off after returning, it was pretty amazing) and relaxed - watching tv, reading, getting lunch with A. Made me want to never go back to work. Can I be a stay at home wife?? :-)
Other than that, life is pretty quiet I guess. I partied a bit in STL for the trade show, which was a blast. I haven't done anything like that in a long time. Reminds me that I am really not that old and I should still try to have fun sometimes. Especially considering once (if) we have kids, things will even change from how they are now, although it's pretty quiet and laid back (as in not much going out, other that dinner, shopping, etc).
I should go though. I will try to be better about posting again......
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Misguided and lazy
So I have been a very bad blogger in the last week. I just haven't felt like getting online when I am at home, 'cause I sit on a computer everyday at work.
I have been busy at work this last week, which I love (not always loving what I have to do, but I love being busy). I talked to my one boss earlier this week and he blew my mind with something that he said - he told me that I need to start taking over more things from my female boss because he sees me beoming CFO of the company one day. And isn't that what I want he said? I said "more responsbility and money?" he said yeah, and I replied, definitely. I mean if I am going to stay there, I definitely want to make more money and have some more responsbilities (hopefully I could pass some of the more mundane and time consuming things off to someone else if I were to take on other things, 'cause I don't want to let anything fall to the wayside or be done half-ass). Still, in the end I know that this is not what I want to do the rest of my life. It's funny to see the little things that they offer me, as if if to tide me over in the meantime. I don't think that they are stupid, I think they realize that I am unhappy a lot of the time.
Plus after our last marketing guy walked out and the other sales girl backed out of the position, my boss, in a fit of desperation it seems, instantly hired two new people to replace them. The first ones that she interviewed and right after interviewing, didn't even think about it or review other resumes. Oh well, so be it. They are both getting paid more than me, which for the marketing/graphic guy, that is fine, I can't do the technical things that he does, but the new sales girl - has the same amount of experience that I came to the table with a year ago, plus I know all the ins and outs of the company and have attended numerous trade shows (18 to be exact) in the last year. Sigh. What can you do? Last time I asked for a raise, I was told I had been demoted when I took the Office Manager job, and that a raise wasn't in the cards for me.
Onto other chipper subjects. As this month was when I was supposed to have my endometrial biopsy, I used OPKs as instructed, starting on Day 9. I never got a positive in the 11 days that I used them (total bummer), so I called my doc to see what he had to say. He prescribed estrogen and progesterone for me. I start taking the estrogen on Day 1 on this new cycle, tomorrow I am pretty sure judging by my body today, and call them and they will give me further instructions about the rest of the month. He says that this is to regulate my cycle more, so they can build a calendar for me and get my in for my biopsy, so we can move forward with the whole pregnancy plan. Hopefully it works out as I am thoroughly sick and tired of waiting.
My mom and I discussed this yesterday and she told me that I just need to trust in God and tell him that I am putting my worry in His hands and believe that He has a plan for me and that He will take care of things. I get that kind of thinking, but I don't know how much I follow it. See I think (and bear with me, I have trouble explaining this) that God does direct us, and cares for us and is there when we have troubles, so we can lay them at His feet so to speak and He will help, but at the same time, He made us to think for ourselves and to make our way in the world. So for all that I would love to say, I can't do this anymore Lord, please take my burdens upon you and I will trust in your decision, I feel as if He leaves those decisions for us and that He will be there for support and guidance, but that you are to make your way in life in your way and based on your choices. Maybe this is silly and doesn't follow any special belief system, but it is how I feel. Not put very eloquently, but such is life. English graduate who isn't always so good with words.
I leave for St. Louis on Tuesday morning. I get to see my brother, his wife, my grandparents are stopping by, and I have a couple of friends at the show. All in all it should be a good trip, other than the fact that I do have to attend the show. My birthday is Thursday. I turn 27. Yippee. We started trying when I was 25 and A was 28. Still nothing. Let there someday be a light at the end of the tunnel.
We discussed it a little more last week. I asked him about not having kids at all. If we didn't, couldn't, and didn't adopt, I asked him if he felt that he could be fulfilled living like that. He said Yes. I told him I think I could too, but I would like to travel more and do things. Right now, honestly, I don't always feel fulfilled, but that is because I am striving for this goal. Children have always been what I see for my future. If it turns out that we can't have them, I am going to have to rethink how we will live and what we will do instead.
Maybe open a kitty rescue ranch. :-)
Well this is pretty long, trying to make up for my absence in the last week. Be back soon (if I have internet in STL, if not, next week it is!).
I have been busy at work this last week, which I love (not always loving what I have to do, but I love being busy). I talked to my one boss earlier this week and he blew my mind with something that he said - he told me that I need to start taking over more things from my female boss because he sees me beoming CFO of the company one day. And isn't that what I want he said? I said "more responsbility and money?" he said yeah, and I replied, definitely. I mean if I am going to stay there, I definitely want to make more money and have some more responsbilities (hopefully I could pass some of the more mundane and time consuming things off to someone else if I were to take on other things, 'cause I don't want to let anything fall to the wayside or be done half-ass). Still, in the end I know that this is not what I want to do the rest of my life. It's funny to see the little things that they offer me, as if if to tide me over in the meantime. I don't think that they are stupid, I think they realize that I am unhappy a lot of the time.
Plus after our last marketing guy walked out and the other sales girl backed out of the position, my boss, in a fit of desperation it seems, instantly hired two new people to replace them. The first ones that she interviewed and right after interviewing, didn't even think about it or review other resumes. Oh well, so be it. They are both getting paid more than me, which for the marketing/graphic guy, that is fine, I can't do the technical things that he does, but the new sales girl - has the same amount of experience that I came to the table with a year ago, plus I know all the ins and outs of the company and have attended numerous trade shows (18 to be exact) in the last year. Sigh. What can you do? Last time I asked for a raise, I was told I had been demoted when I took the Office Manager job, and that a raise wasn't in the cards for me.
Onto other chipper subjects. As this month was when I was supposed to have my endometrial biopsy, I used OPKs as instructed, starting on Day 9. I never got a positive in the 11 days that I used them (total bummer), so I called my doc to see what he had to say. He prescribed estrogen and progesterone for me. I start taking the estrogen on Day 1 on this new cycle, tomorrow I am pretty sure judging by my body today, and call them and they will give me further instructions about the rest of the month. He says that this is to regulate my cycle more, so they can build a calendar for me and get my in for my biopsy, so we can move forward with the whole pregnancy plan. Hopefully it works out as I am thoroughly sick and tired of waiting.
My mom and I discussed this yesterday and she told me that I just need to trust in God and tell him that I am putting my worry in His hands and believe that He has a plan for me and that He will take care of things. I get that kind of thinking, but I don't know how much I follow it. See I think (and bear with me, I have trouble explaining this) that God does direct us, and cares for us and is there when we have troubles, so we can lay them at His feet so to speak and He will help, but at the same time, He made us to think for ourselves and to make our way in the world. So for all that I would love to say, I can't do this anymore Lord, please take my burdens upon you and I will trust in your decision, I feel as if He leaves those decisions for us and that He will be there for support and guidance, but that you are to make your way in life in your way and based on your choices. Maybe this is silly and doesn't follow any special belief system, but it is how I feel. Not put very eloquently, but such is life. English graduate who isn't always so good with words.
I leave for St. Louis on Tuesday morning. I get to see my brother, his wife, my grandparents are stopping by, and I have a couple of friends at the show. All in all it should be a good trip, other than the fact that I do have to attend the show. My birthday is Thursday. I turn 27. Yippee. We started trying when I was 25 and A was 28. Still nothing. Let there someday be a light at the end of the tunnel.
We discussed it a little more last week. I asked him about not having kids at all. If we didn't, couldn't, and didn't adopt, I asked him if he felt that he could be fulfilled living like that. He said Yes. I told him I think I could too, but I would like to travel more and do things. Right now, honestly, I don't always feel fulfilled, but that is because I am striving for this goal. Children have always been what I see for my future. If it turns out that we can't have them, I am going to have to rethink how we will live and what we will do instead.
Maybe open a kitty rescue ranch. :-)
Well this is pretty long, trying to make up for my absence in the last week. Be back soon (if I have internet in STL, if not, next week it is!).
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Baking, YUM!
So as you can see from above, I am adding a new subject to this blog, one that I enjoy very much, and one that will let people see that I think about more than just my job and infertility.Seen above is: Apple Walnut Bundt Cake (w/out the walnuts)
It was super good!
A and I went to the orchard last Sunday and bought ten pounds of apples. I have been wanting to use them, but alas, I didn't have any nutmeg on hand, which many of the recipes I wanted to try called for. So we stopped and picked some of that up and Voila! Baking ensues.
Here is the recipe if anyone out there wants to try it:
Ingredients
3 cups of all-purpose flour
1 cup of oil
1 3/4 cup of sugar
1/2 cup of apple cider (I used apple juice)
1 tsp of baking powder
2 tsps vanilla extract
1 tsp ground cinammon
3 large eggs
3/4 tsp salt
3 med. baking apples, cored, rough chopped
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 cup of raisins
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
Powdered sugar to garnish
In large bowl, measure all ingredients except the apples,walnuts, raisins and powdered sugar. Beat well until mixed (2 min or so). Stir in apples, walnuts, and raisins. Spoon batter into a 10 in bundt pan and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes (mine took 1 hr 5 minutes, but that would depend on your oven, just check it at one hour and adjust accordingly, that's what I did). (Note, cake can be frozen up to one month).
It's a really good bundt cake. It's quite large so I am sure that we will need to share as it is a lot for A and I to eat by ourselves. Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tidbits....mmm that made me think of dessert...
On the job front. Again, huh?
Well as of yesterday our Marketing guy, well, he walked out. And as of today, the "new girl" that we were hiring for sales, well, she decided that she was going to take a better pay, better benefit, opportunity elsewhere. So it's just myself and my two bosses again.
I told A the other day that if I had to travel to more than one show I was quitting. But how do you quit without a backup job? It really sucks though, as I am completely unhappy with my job, and the more I think about it, the more unhappy I am.
I get where the potential sales girl was coming from though, because let's see....no benefits, 1 week of vacation no matter how long you are with the company, no holidays off, so obviously no paid holidays off, no 401(k), no insurance, difficult bosses to work with, etc, etc, etc.
I was also mentioning to A, how surprising it seems that the two of them don't take a step back and try to figure out the reasons that they can't keep anyone on. In the past year that I have been working for them they have gone through 6 people. It's crazy. For a small business that is a HUGE turnaround. Hmm, employee retention anyone? But it seems instead of looking for ways and reasons why people might have left, they just blame the person and flippantly say, Well, we knew they weren't going to work out anyway, because of this (insert stupid reason #1 here) and this (#2), and that (#3). It's not very realistic or intuitive of them.
What's also strange.... things with my bosses haven't been the same (as in comfort level, closeness when I started) since about April, and I think that they have felt this too, but recently when all of this began (the trouble with our mktg. guy was about a week in the making), my one boss has began to reach out to me, bounce ideas off of me, and try to befriend me again more. It's unsettling to say the least. I thought for a long time that we were friends, but I found it easier to coexist at work by cutting off most of our contact in everday life. It was hard to be upset with them at work and then hang out with them after hours.
We still haven't began hanging out (I don't expect this to happen either, as I don't wish it) outside of work, but I feel that I am being depended on for more than just doing my job, but more for justifying their reasoning and being a sounding board.
I am really helpful too, unh huh and yeah being my favorite words. Seems to work though because sometimes I think people just want to hear themselves talk so they can think through their thoughts better. Well, or something like that.
As far as traveling - St. Louis is definitely on, and most likely at least one or two other shows. So...very...excited. Or really not. More like, so very bummed. I am looking for other jobs, so just keep your fingers crossed that one will open up. Makes me happy that I didn't decide to sign up for school this fall, as I would be missing classes right away.
On the baby front, nothing much to report. Still waiting for my surge so I can schedule my biopsy. Always fun. Except normally I am not playing the waiting game at this part of my cycle. Normally we are just ... ya know.
I had a horribly intense headache last night. It made me feel terrible. A was so good to me. He came and rubbed my neck and temples with this headache cream that I have, made a quick dinner for us to eat so I could take pain pills, and let me rest and go to bed early. It seems to have gone away, but I have something hovering in the background, but not anywhere close to what it was like last night.
I talked to my mom yesterday about booking the cruise that we have been discussing for January. She said that she was going to look at flight prices and get back to me. I would just like to get it booked so we have something concrete to look forward too. Plus I think it's easier to go to a new job needing time of than to schedule it after you start. See I am positive, thinking I will have a new job before my cruise in January.
Okay, that is a ton for today. I am off.
Well as of yesterday our Marketing guy, well, he walked out. And as of today, the "new girl" that we were hiring for sales, well, she decided that she was going to take a better pay, better benefit, opportunity elsewhere. So it's just myself and my two bosses again.
I told A the other day that if I had to travel to more than one show I was quitting. But how do you quit without a backup job? It really sucks though, as I am completely unhappy with my job, and the more I think about it, the more unhappy I am.
I get where the potential sales girl was coming from though, because let's see....no benefits, 1 week of vacation no matter how long you are with the company, no holidays off, so obviously no paid holidays off, no 401(k), no insurance, difficult bosses to work with, etc, etc, etc.
I was also mentioning to A, how surprising it seems that the two of them don't take a step back and try to figure out the reasons that they can't keep anyone on. In the past year that I have been working for them they have gone through 6 people. It's crazy. For a small business that is a HUGE turnaround. Hmm, employee retention anyone? But it seems instead of looking for ways and reasons why people might have left, they just blame the person and flippantly say, Well, we knew they weren't going to work out anyway, because of this (insert stupid reason #1 here) and this (#2), and that (#3). It's not very realistic or intuitive of them.
What's also strange.... things with my bosses haven't been the same (as in comfort level, closeness when I started) since about April, and I think that they have felt this too, but recently when all of this began (the trouble with our mktg. guy was about a week in the making), my one boss has began to reach out to me, bounce ideas off of me, and try to befriend me again more. It's unsettling to say the least. I thought for a long time that we were friends, but I found it easier to coexist at work by cutting off most of our contact in everday life. It was hard to be upset with them at work and then hang out with them after hours.
We still haven't began hanging out (I don't expect this to happen either, as I don't wish it) outside of work, but I feel that I am being depended on for more than just doing my job, but more for justifying their reasoning and being a sounding board.
I am really helpful too, unh huh and yeah being my favorite words. Seems to work though because sometimes I think people just want to hear themselves talk so they can think through their thoughts better. Well, or something like that.
As far as traveling - St. Louis is definitely on, and most likely at least one or two other shows. So...very...excited. Or really not. More like, so very bummed. I am looking for other jobs, so just keep your fingers crossed that one will open up. Makes me happy that I didn't decide to sign up for school this fall, as I would be missing classes right away.
On the baby front, nothing much to report. Still waiting for my surge so I can schedule my biopsy. Always fun. Except normally I am not playing the waiting game at this part of my cycle. Normally we are just ... ya know.
I had a horribly intense headache last night. It made me feel terrible. A was so good to me. He came and rubbed my neck and temples with this headache cream that I have, made a quick dinner for us to eat so I could take pain pills, and let me rest and go to bed early. It seems to have gone away, but I have something hovering in the background, but not anywhere close to what it was like last night.
I talked to my mom yesterday about booking the cruise that we have been discussing for January. She said that she was going to look at flight prices and get back to me. I would just like to get it booked so we have something concrete to look forward too. Plus I think it's easier to go to a new job needing time of than to schedule it after you start. See I am positive, thinking I will have a new job before my cruise in January.
Okay, that is a ton for today. I am off.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Bits and pieces
I went and had my thrombophila test on Wed. morning. It was extremely easy. Don't eat or drink anything other than water for an hour beforehand and go in and have your cheek swabbed for about 3 minutes. Lots of money later, test complete, results are due in in about 2 weeks. Other than that the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. On Thursday night A and I went to Farmer's and got some apples and peaches. Went to Dowtown Brewery for dinner and just walked around downtown. A's car was acting up (I had left about 3 minutes before him) so I had to go back to follow him back to his office, from there his boss let him take one of the company cars for the night and we headed home.
He got the car fixed on Friday - the serpertine belt had come loose, so he got that fixed, replaced the part that had created the problem and got new front brakes. I went to bed early that night as I had a horrible headache (same as every other night this past week), and tried to rest it away. No such luck. Woke with it again on Saturday morning, but it was bearable.
On Saturday morning we took my car to Wallyworld and got an oil change, got our rings inspected, went out to lunch and checked out the new library in Santa Maria. It's really nice. Difficult to find stuff at first, but impressive nonetheless. We made tacos for dinner last night and just relaxed. Today was really nice, we went and got some fresh-picked apples, went wine tasting (and buying) and came home and had dinner. Now I am typing this up while he attempts at traveling further on Zelda.
I believe that A's test have come back well, as the nurse mentioned that they were in and smiled at me as she read them, but she said she couldn't show me the results until the doctor reviewed them. I started my OPK's yesterday in order to find when I surge so I can set up my endometrial biopsy. I feel somewhat calmer this cycle. I am not sure why. Maybe I am entrusting more to my doctor and willing him to figure this out so I don't have to worry as much. Or maybe it's just the beginning of the cycle and I am analyzing it more because I have begun writing this blog. We will see as the end nears.
I believe I will be attending the show in St. Louis, which should enable my to see my brother and sister-in-law. It will be nice to see them as long as my brother can demonstrate a little tact with the things he says. I made the mistake of mentioning our difficulties last month when we were home and he took it upon himself to offer advice about a treatment that we haven't even considered yet. None of his business in the end, it will be our (A and I) decision alone.
I am interested in learning more about the presidential candidates and their running mates. I expect to find myself searching the web for this in the near future. It has never really interested me before, I personally do not care for politics, but the race is becoming more interesting in regards to the running mates that were recently chosen.
Hurricane Gustav is rushing into the Gulf of Mexico as I type, they are expecting upwards of a Category 4 to 5 for this one. It's frightening to think of all the damage that could occur in that already devastated area. Hopefully something gives.
Onto bigger and brighter things. Continuing the job search. Hopefully, also, when my parents return home from their vacation I can talk to them about our plans for a cruise together in January. I would love to get that booked in order to have something to look forward to.
He got the car fixed on Friday - the serpertine belt had come loose, so he got that fixed, replaced the part that had created the problem and got new front brakes. I went to bed early that night as I had a horrible headache (same as every other night this past week), and tried to rest it away. No such luck. Woke with it again on Saturday morning, but it was bearable.
On Saturday morning we took my car to Wallyworld and got an oil change, got our rings inspected, went out to lunch and checked out the new library in Santa Maria. It's really nice. Difficult to find stuff at first, but impressive nonetheless. We made tacos for dinner last night and just relaxed. Today was really nice, we went and got some fresh-picked apples, went wine tasting (and buying) and came home and had dinner. Now I am typing this up while he attempts at traveling further on Zelda.
I believe that A's test have come back well, as the nurse mentioned that they were in and smiled at me as she read them, but she said she couldn't show me the results until the doctor reviewed them. I started my OPK's yesterday in order to find when I surge so I can set up my endometrial biopsy. I feel somewhat calmer this cycle. I am not sure why. Maybe I am entrusting more to my doctor and willing him to figure this out so I don't have to worry as much. Or maybe it's just the beginning of the cycle and I am analyzing it more because I have begun writing this blog. We will see as the end nears.
I believe I will be attending the show in St. Louis, which should enable my to see my brother and sister-in-law. It will be nice to see them as long as my brother can demonstrate a little tact with the things he says. I made the mistake of mentioning our difficulties last month when we were home and he took it upon himself to offer advice about a treatment that we haven't even considered yet. None of his business in the end, it will be our (A and I) decision alone.
I am interested in learning more about the presidential candidates and their running mates. I expect to find myself searching the web for this in the near future. It has never really interested me before, I personally do not care for politics, but the race is becoming more interesting in regards to the running mates that were recently chosen.
Hurricane Gustav is rushing into the Gulf of Mexico as I type, they are expecting upwards of a Category 4 to 5 for this one. It's frightening to think of all the damage that could occur in that already devastated area. Hopefully something gives.
Onto bigger and brighter things. Continuing the job search. Hopefully, also, when my parents return home from their vacation I can talk to them about our plans for a cruise together in January. I would love to get that booked in order to have something to look forward to.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Job angst, con't
So I guess I shouldn't complain about my job to my husband anymore. I am unhappy as I have stated previously, but I guess I must bring it up too often for his taste. His response tonight was, "You aren't cut out for the workforce, you should just quit and be a stay-at-homer." Well, I guess that maybe he wasn't getting at this, but it made me feel quite horrible about myself.
In deference to his feelings, I am sure he is tired of hearing me complain about it, and he probably feels pretty helpless when I do, because he doesn't know what to say to make me feel better and doesn't really know how to help me because I am the only one that can get myself a job.
So anyway, what set it off today was me asking my boss if we could talk about trade shows and figure out who is doing what. She agrees that it is time and calls a meeting w/her husband and our marketing guy and starts discussing the shows and who will do what and so forth. I hear that I am nominated for one show (not invited to the meeting, but selected for a show nonetheless) and I go to the kitchen to get my lunch. As I walk back my other boss asks how I feel and I say, "Whatever, that is fine." Not really professional of me, but our place of business is anything but, unless someone gets a bug up their butt to make it seem so at times.
I am upset because 1)I have to do a show, 2)petty I know, but it's my birthday weekend, 3)there was another show that I said I would do if I had to do a show, because it's where my brother and sister-in-law live.
Later on my main boss mentions that she thought I had wanted to do the other show and I said yeah, if it works out okay. So I guess I should be able to do the show where I see my brother (not holding my breath, because things have a tendency of changing at the last minute). It works out okay in the end. I get to see family on my birthday, but not my husband, and I still have to travel. (And yes, I realize that I don't always help the situation at work, but in the heat of the moment it's difficult for me to step back and rationalize everything I say.)
As my dad would say, six one way, half dozen the other, what are you going to do?
So, as always a "bad" day at work energizes me in my job search. Which also brings about the comment from my husband. It's almost....no. I desire a new job, I want one that fulfills me and makes me happy, I want to provide for us, I wish I didn't feel the need to expound upon all the reasons I dislike my job. One day I am sure that will all come about.
I just read an article about sitting down, writing down all the things you are grateful for and make you happy. Do so until you are in a place of peace, then ask yourself what you want to do with your live. Make that your vision and strive for it, it will take time and there will be diversions, but you should continue to focus on your goal and it will happen.
Sounds good, but Ms Skeptical/Cynical (I wasn't always this way) doesn't know if it really sounds that realistic.
In deference to his feelings, I am sure he is tired of hearing me complain about it, and he probably feels pretty helpless when I do, because he doesn't know what to say to make me feel better and doesn't really know how to help me because I am the only one that can get myself a job.
So anyway, what set it off today was me asking my boss if we could talk about trade shows and figure out who is doing what. She agrees that it is time and calls a meeting w/her husband and our marketing guy and starts discussing the shows and who will do what and so forth. I hear that I am nominated for one show (not invited to the meeting, but selected for a show nonetheless) and I go to the kitchen to get my lunch. As I walk back my other boss asks how I feel and I say, "Whatever, that is fine." Not really professional of me, but our place of business is anything but, unless someone gets a bug up their butt to make it seem so at times.
I am upset because 1)I have to do a show, 2)petty I know, but it's my birthday weekend, 3)there was another show that I said I would do if I had to do a show, because it's where my brother and sister-in-law live.
Later on my main boss mentions that she thought I had wanted to do the other show and I said yeah, if it works out okay. So I guess I should be able to do the show where I see my brother (not holding my breath, because things have a tendency of changing at the last minute). It works out okay in the end. I get to see family on my birthday, but not my husband, and I still have to travel. (And yes, I realize that I don't always help the situation at work, but in the heat of the moment it's difficult for me to step back and rationalize everything I say.)
As my dad would say, six one way, half dozen the other, what are you going to do?
So, as always a "bad" day at work energizes me in my job search. Which also brings about the comment from my husband. It's almost....no. I desire a new job, I want one that fulfills me and makes me happy, I want to provide for us, I wish I didn't feel the need to expound upon all the reasons I dislike my job. One day I am sure that will all come about.
I just read an article about sitting down, writing down all the things you are grateful for and make you happy. Do so until you are in a place of peace, then ask yourself what you want to do with your live. Make that your vision and strive for it, it will take time and there will be diversions, but you should continue to focus on your goal and it will happen.
Sounds good, but Ms Skeptical/Cynical (I wasn't always this way) doesn't know if it really sounds that realistic.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Monday...cruddy Monday
So my new cycle started on Friday. Can't put off getting the testing done anymore. So today my husband went and got his part started. I have an "appointment" Wednesday morning with the nurse to go get my cheek swabbed (for a thrombophilia panel to check my clotting factors), and starting CD9 I have to start using OPK's to watch for my surge so I can schedule my biopsy. Hopefully traveling doesn't mess with my scheduling this month because I would like to get all this done so we can move onto bigger and better things next month. :-)
We had a pretty good weekend - Friday was pretty boring. A played the Wii and I went to bed early with a headache. Saturday we went and saw The House Bunny. It was a silly little movie, but it was funny. Then we went home and rearranged the bedroom, which I loved because it made it seem so much more open and like it flowed better. Then we relaxed the rest of the night. On Sunday we went out for lunch to Arby's (fancy huh?), to Target (spent too much money on who knows what, but isn't that what Target is for), and to Michaels, where we got a few Halloween decorations and a kissing ball for me to decorate for Christmas. Anyone who knows me would say that my favorite holiday is Christmas, but I do like all of the bigger holidays because it gives me an excuse to decorate and change things up.
Sunday was also a little hard. I drank some wine and got sappy and sad. Talked to my mom and dad and missed them, listened to A talk to his parents, missed them, got sad, then starting thinking about kids and pregnancy and trying and all that fun stuff and just fell apart. It was good in one way because I talked to A and we decided that we would do what we had to do to get a kid. We would do IUI if the RE suggests it and at least one IVF if necessary. So that made me feel better, as I have wondered where he stood and what he thought of the whole process. I feel like we have more of a plan now and that we are on the same page at least.
My boss interviewed a new sales girl today. Two thumbs up for that FINALLY happening. She liked her and seemed to think that she would offer her the job. So hopefully that will mean someone to take my old position, so I can focus on my new one and not have to think about sales and hopefully not travel anymore after this season. Hopefully not at all this season, but let's not ask for too much here. (please note heavy sarcasm) I am still job searching, I applied for three jobs last week, but didn't see anything tonight when I was looking. Some day though.
Speaking of job searching, I have thought about going to a career coach. They are trained to help with careers - finding one, deciding on what you would be best at, etc etc. So that might help me, but right now it's just a thought, I haven't made up my mind to do it yet.
Well, that's all for now. Be back soon.
We had a pretty good weekend - Friday was pretty boring. A played the Wii and I went to bed early with a headache. Saturday we went and saw The House Bunny. It was a silly little movie, but it was funny. Then we went home and rearranged the bedroom, which I loved because it made it seem so much more open and like it flowed better. Then we relaxed the rest of the night. On Sunday we went out for lunch to Arby's (fancy huh?), to Target (spent too much money on who knows what, but isn't that what Target is for), and to Michaels, where we got a few Halloween decorations and a kissing ball for me to decorate for Christmas. Anyone who knows me would say that my favorite holiday is Christmas, but I do like all of the bigger holidays because it gives me an excuse to decorate and change things up.
Sunday was also a little hard. I drank some wine and got sappy and sad. Talked to my mom and dad and missed them, listened to A talk to his parents, missed them, got sad, then starting thinking about kids and pregnancy and trying and all that fun stuff and just fell apart. It was good in one way because I talked to A and we decided that we would do what we had to do to get a kid. We would do IUI if the RE suggests it and at least one IVF if necessary. So that made me feel better, as I have wondered where he stood and what he thought of the whole process. I feel like we have more of a plan now and that we are on the same page at least.
My boss interviewed a new sales girl today. Two thumbs up for that FINALLY happening. She liked her and seemed to think that she would offer her the job. So hopefully that will mean someone to take my old position, so I can focus on my new one and not have to think about sales and hopefully not travel anymore after this season. Hopefully not at all this season, but let's not ask for too much here. (please note heavy sarcasm) I am still job searching, I applied for three jobs last week, but didn't see anything tonight when I was looking. Some day though.
Speaking of job searching, I have thought about going to a career coach. They are trained to help with careers - finding one, deciding on what you would be best at, etc etc. So that might help me, but right now it's just a thought, I haven't made up my mind to do it yet.
Well, that's all for now. Be back soon.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
And so begins another cycle
Just checking in real quick....
As I mentioned in my title, we are moving on to another cycle. I called the RE today to schedule my clotting test and my husband's further testing, but they close early on Thursday, so I will have to try back tomorrow. It's a pretty easy test for me, just a cheek swab, but I have to go back later in the month (hopefully the stupid trade shows won't interfere with it, but who knows) and have an endometrial biopsy. Gotta say, I am not excited about this at all. My HSG was pretty uncomfortable and I am definitely not looking forward to this. It's all about moving ahead though. This is why I am going to see the RE rather than continuing with the OBGYN, because I wanted to move forward, and I just didn't feel like I was there.
The other day I felt as if I couldn't even go on with this process. It's so completely overwhelming. Maybe we aren't meant to have children this way, maybe we should start looking at other options. But at the same time I am just not ready to give up yet.
It's draining how my mind whirls around and around on this subject, seeking answers, craving peace, hoping against hope each cycle. It goes on and on.
There is a song out by Jason Aldean right now, Laughed until we Cried, or something like that, where he sings about trying and almost giving up, and then they found out they were expecting and they danced around the kitchen and laughed until they cried. I want that so badly.
I have to pray that someday it will happen, and that there is some sort of plan for us. This is just one challenge of many throughout our lives and we will make it through. Maybe in the end we won't end up with what we were expecting, but hopefully we will find peace in whatever comes.
I am really tired, we went to see Dark Knight last night and we were out past my bedtime. :-) I am off to read some of my book and crash for the night. Tomorrow is Friday - one more day of work at that place, then two days of relaxtion (or something other than work at least). Cross your fingers that we start discussing trade shows and figure out who is doing what. Cross fingers and toes that I get out of doing any this season. Ha, that would be GREAT!
As I mentioned in my title, we are moving on to another cycle. I called the RE today to schedule my clotting test and my husband's further testing, but they close early on Thursday, so I will have to try back tomorrow. It's a pretty easy test for me, just a cheek swab, but I have to go back later in the month (hopefully the stupid trade shows won't interfere with it, but who knows) and have an endometrial biopsy. Gotta say, I am not excited about this at all. My HSG was pretty uncomfortable and I am definitely not looking forward to this. It's all about moving ahead though. This is why I am going to see the RE rather than continuing with the OBGYN, because I wanted to move forward, and I just didn't feel like I was there.
The other day I felt as if I couldn't even go on with this process. It's so completely overwhelming. Maybe we aren't meant to have children this way, maybe we should start looking at other options. But at the same time I am just not ready to give up yet.
It's draining how my mind whirls around and around on this subject, seeking answers, craving peace, hoping against hope each cycle. It goes on and on.
There is a song out by Jason Aldean right now, Laughed until we Cried, or something like that, where he sings about trying and almost giving up, and then they found out they were expecting and they danced around the kitchen and laughed until they cried. I want that so badly.
I have to pray that someday it will happen, and that there is some sort of plan for us. This is just one challenge of many throughout our lives and we will make it through. Maybe in the end we won't end up with what we were expecting, but hopefully we will find peace in whatever comes.
I am really tired, we went to see Dark Knight last night and we were out past my bedtime. :-) I am off to read some of my book and crash for the night. Tomorrow is Friday - one more day of work at that place, then two days of relaxtion (or something other than work at least). Cross your fingers that we start discussing trade shows and figure out who is doing what. Cross fingers and toes that I get out of doing any this season. Ha, that would be GREAT!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Disappointment, hope, disappointment, hope...you get the picture
So it's almost humorous how quickly one can move from emotion to emotion. TTC is definitely a rollercoaster of emotion. As I mentioned in my last post, I have had reason to hope that this month may be it (symptoms are present that I have never experienced before), but this morning I was hit with a bucket of cold water and the hope began to change to disappointment that again another month is passing us by. Yet, as the day went on the other symptoms are not disappearing, so hope returns. Maybe it is a fluke. It's crazy what your mind can do and tricks that it can play on you.
In regards to this also, I had a standing appt with my OBGYN, but I cancelled it because I started seeing the RE, but I am also putting off the testing that he wants done until I am sure that this month is out, because the testing he wants on me and my husband will be around $1000-$1200.
I was job searching this past night, and the night before, and the night before that, and I have applied to one job each night. I am crossing my fingers that someday I will find something that I will love, but at this point in time I just want something that I don't hate. I keep telling myself to go back to school and earlier this year I thought I had made a decision to go ahead and do it. I even started filling out the application at the local university, but somehow never got around to finishing it. It's not that I don't want to go back, because I honestly think I would enjoy it, but I don't know what to go back for.
I have a degree in English, and I really enjoyed it, I enjoy writing, and I LOVE to read. I just.... I don't feel like I am really using my degree now. I think about going back and getting a teaching certificate, but all I read about is how there aren't any teaching jobs and schools are having such hard times and cutting back so much. So I am overwhelmed and scared, because I don't want to waste my time with something that probably isn't going to pan out. (Optimistic, aren't I?)
Then I think about going back to get my Master's in English, which piques my interest more, but what am I going to do with that degree when I am not even using the one I have now?
Seems to me like a vicious circle.
I bought my husband a Wii for his thirtieth birthday. He really seems to like it. He has played it everyday since this past Satruday when we hooked it up. We went shopping on Sunday and he got himself two games to go along with it, with money that he had from family and friends. He got Mario Party and Zelda. He is trying out Zelda right now. We played MP on Sunday when we got home. It was pretty fun. I am not much of a "gamer", but I enjoyed parts of it.
Well, back to my book and watching Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy.
In regards to this also, I had a standing appt with my OBGYN, but I cancelled it because I started seeing the RE, but I am also putting off the testing that he wants done until I am sure that this month is out, because the testing he wants on me and my husband will be around $1000-$1200.
I was job searching this past night, and the night before, and the night before that, and I have applied to one job each night. I am crossing my fingers that someday I will find something that I will love, but at this point in time I just want something that I don't hate. I keep telling myself to go back to school and earlier this year I thought I had made a decision to go ahead and do it. I even started filling out the application at the local university, but somehow never got around to finishing it. It's not that I don't want to go back, because I honestly think I would enjoy it, but I don't know what to go back for.
I have a degree in English, and I really enjoyed it, I enjoy writing, and I LOVE to read. I just.... I don't feel like I am really using my degree now. I think about going back and getting a teaching certificate, but all I read about is how there aren't any teaching jobs and schools are having such hard times and cutting back so much. So I am overwhelmed and scared, because I don't want to waste my time with something that probably isn't going to pan out. (Optimistic, aren't I?)
Then I think about going back to get my Master's in English, which piques my interest more, but what am I going to do with that degree when I am not even using the one I have now?
Seems to me like a vicious circle.
I bought my husband a Wii for his thirtieth birthday. He really seems to like it. He has played it everyday since this past Satruday when we hooked it up. We went shopping on Sunday and he got himself two games to go along with it, with money that he had from family and friends. He got Mario Party and Zelda. He is trying out Zelda right now. We played MP on Sunday when we got home. It was pretty fun. I am not much of a "gamer", but I enjoyed parts of it.
Well, back to my book and watching Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Beginnings
Well, every blog has to begin somewhere, so this is it!
At the time of writing this I am at a somewhat ambivalent point in my life. Still "young", but feeling lost.
We are in the process, have been in the process, of trying for a baby for almost two years now, we are recent transplants to California, and I am pining for a new job.
We have a great life in so many aspects, and I wonder why I can't just sit back and be happy, but for some reason, some THING is holding me back.
Trying to conceive is constantly on my mind, and although I do have supportive people in my life to discuss it with, I sometimes feel as if I am alone in my thoughts and worries.
I miss home. Which is strange to both myself and my husband, because I always knew that I wanted to move out of Michigan, and we have been happy here since, but we recently visited home and it makes one miss familiar sights, sounds, smells, and family and friends.
On the job front.... who knows? The job I had out of college was okay, not great, and then bad. The job I currently hold started out phenomonal and has since began to turn downhill. Probably for the same reason the earlier one did (coworkers and office issues aside), it's still a sales job with lots of travel. I liked (saying this somewhat hesitantly) traveling in the beginning, but it got old fast, and with this new job I am traveling almost double what I did with the last. It was crazy this last year, and I am sure that it is not helping our trying to conceive (TTC from now on).
So at times it feels as if everything is wrong.
But I am lucky.
I have a wonderful husband, my health, a job, a place to life, a car to drive, two beautiful, loving cats....I could go on and on.
But sometimes I have trouble focusing on these things.
Back to TTC, I am frustrated with the whole process (which I am nearing the end of another month, with my hopes high again) and the time that it is taking.
"Just relax, try not to think about it so much", "you're young, give it time", etc etc, get kind of old. We tried for over a year on our own, and when I visited the OBGYN recently, I mentioned to her our issues. We began to temp and chart and time things more than we did before, and after three months I returned and was told to continue on. I have had a hysterosalpingogram and everything was clear, my husband has also had his prelim. testing, which came back clear, so I decided to make an appt with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). He did the initial ultrasound and that was fine and he would like me to get some clotting tests, further testing on my husband, and a endometrial biopsy. I am putting these things off, because I am still holding out hope for this cycle, but they are still on my list of things to do......lots to think about as I mentioned.
So, to end this first entry, I am crossing my fingers that the curse stays far away this cycle and our hopes are fulfilled. 21 cycles is a long time.......
And the job search will still continue, also.
At the time of writing this I am at a somewhat ambivalent point in my life. Still "young", but feeling lost.
We are in the process, have been in the process, of trying for a baby for almost two years now, we are recent transplants to California, and I am pining for a new job.
We have a great life in so many aspects, and I wonder why I can't just sit back and be happy, but for some reason, some THING is holding me back.
Trying to conceive is constantly on my mind, and although I do have supportive people in my life to discuss it with, I sometimes feel as if I am alone in my thoughts and worries.
I miss home. Which is strange to both myself and my husband, because I always knew that I wanted to move out of Michigan, and we have been happy here since, but we recently visited home and it makes one miss familiar sights, sounds, smells, and family and friends.
On the job front.... who knows? The job I had out of college was okay, not great, and then bad. The job I currently hold started out phenomonal and has since began to turn downhill. Probably for the same reason the earlier one did (coworkers and office issues aside), it's still a sales job with lots of travel. I liked (saying this somewhat hesitantly) traveling in the beginning, but it got old fast, and with this new job I am traveling almost double what I did with the last. It was crazy this last year, and I am sure that it is not helping our trying to conceive (TTC from now on).
So at times it feels as if everything is wrong.
But I am lucky.
I have a wonderful husband, my health, a job, a place to life, a car to drive, two beautiful, loving cats....I could go on and on.
But sometimes I have trouble focusing on these things.
Back to TTC, I am frustrated with the whole process (which I am nearing the end of another month, with my hopes high again) and the time that it is taking.
"Just relax, try not to think about it so much", "you're young, give it time", etc etc, get kind of old. We tried for over a year on our own, and when I visited the OBGYN recently, I mentioned to her our issues. We began to temp and chart and time things more than we did before, and after three months I returned and was told to continue on. I have had a hysterosalpingogram and everything was clear, my husband has also had his prelim. testing, which came back clear, so I decided to make an appt with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). He did the initial ultrasound and that was fine and he would like me to get some clotting tests, further testing on my husband, and a endometrial biopsy. I am putting these things off, because I am still holding out hope for this cycle, but they are still on my list of things to do......lots to think about as I mentioned.
So, to end this first entry, I am crossing my fingers that the curse stays far away this cycle and our hopes are fulfilled. 21 cycles is a long time.......
And the job search will still continue, also.
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