Woo Hoo!!

Didn't EVER think that I would celebrate my period starting, but here I am....celebrating my period starting!

Longest cycle I have ever, ever had. It was insane! I was 19 days late, on CD45, and finally I started.

Now, hopefully we can move on.....and get lucky on our own.

I am sure some people think I am crazy for hoping that we might still have a chance (3+ years, 2 horrible IVF cycles, 1 chemical FET and still no baby or pregnancy), but I am crazy and I still hope that we might just be that .0000001% who have struggled so much and still ending conceiving on our own.

I think that it might be what keeps me going.

The other day I was trying to convince myself that we might be okay without children. We love each other, we have a good life, we enjoy being together. We would save SO MUCH MONEY (in more ways than one), we could travel more, continue to be spontaneous when and if we want to, etc, etc, etc.
But then I see television shows with babies being born and I instantly tear up and think, "I want that so badly", so I must not be too convincing.

We are going to SF soon, just for a weekend. I am slightly looking forward to it. It's to see my best friend and her H while they are in town visiting, and while I love her, he and I butt heads, and I would rather spent time with A, exploring, just the two of us. We will make the best of it and end up having fun I am sure.

I am also prepping to take the GRE so I can get started on looking at schools more in depth. If I could get the program working on my computer. A is going to look at that tonight so I can hopefully get started.

Speaking of A.....so looking forward to seeing him tonight, his job is kind of stressing him out (his boss quit so he is shouldering a huge load now) and I know he feels better when he gets home and relaxes. Any thoughts you have, please send his way that they find a replacement.....or make some kind of changes soon!

Disappointment, hope, disappointment, hope...you get the picture

So it's almost humorous how quickly one can move from emotion to emotion. TTC is definitely a rollercoaster of emotion. As I mentioned in my last post, I have had reason to hope that this month may be it (symptoms are present that I have never experienced before), but this morning I was hit with a bucket of cold water and the hope began to change to disappointment that again another month is passing us by. Yet, as the day went on the other symptoms are not disappearing, so hope returns. Maybe it is a fluke. It's crazy what your mind can do and tricks that it can play on you.
In regards to this also, I had a standing appt with my OBGYN, but I cancelled it because I started seeing the RE, but I am also putting off the testing that he wants done until I am sure that this month is out, because the testing he wants on me and my husband will be around $1000-$1200.

I was job searching this past night, and the night before, and the night before that, and I have applied to one job each night. I am crossing my fingers that someday I will find something that I will love, but at this point in time I just want something that I don't hate. I keep telling myself to go back to school and earlier this year I thought I had made a decision to go ahead and do it. I even started filling out the application at the local university, but somehow never got around to finishing it. It's not that I don't want to go back, because I honestly think I would enjoy it, but I don't know what to go back for.
I have a degree in English, and I really enjoyed it, I enjoy writing, and I LOVE to read. I just.... I don't feel like I am really using my degree now. I think about going back and getting a teaching certificate, but all I read about is how there aren't any teaching jobs and schools are having such hard times and cutting back so much. So I am overwhelmed and scared, because I don't want to waste my time with something that probably isn't going to pan out. (Optimistic, aren't I?)
Then I think about going back to get my Master's in English, which piques my interest more, but what am I going to do with that degree when I am not even using the one I have now?
Seems to me like a vicious circle.

I bought my husband a Wii for his thirtieth birthday. He really seems to like it. He has played it everyday since this past Satruday when we hooked it up. We went shopping on Sunday and he got himself two games to go along with it, with money that he had from family and friends. He got Mario Party and Zelda. He is trying out Zelda right now. We played MP on Sunday when we got home. It was pretty fun. I am not much of a "gamer", but I enjoyed parts of it.
Well, back to my book and watching Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy.