Didn't EVER think that I would celebrate my period starting, but here I am....celebrating my period starting!
Longest cycle I have ever, ever had. It was insane! I was 19 days late, on CD45, and finally I started.
Now, hopefully we can move on.....and get lucky on our own.
I am sure some people think I am crazy for hoping that we might still have a chance (3+ years, 2 horrible IVF cycles, 1 chemical FET and still no baby or pregnancy), but I am crazy and I still hope that we might just be that .0000001% who have struggled so much and still ending conceiving on our own.
I think that it might be what keeps me going.
The other day I was trying to convince myself that we might be okay without children. We love each other, we have a good life, we enjoy being together. We would save SO MUCH MONEY (in more ways than one), we could travel more, continue to be spontaneous when and if we want to, etc, etc, etc.
But then I see television shows with babies being born and I instantly tear up and think, "I want that so badly", so I must not be too convincing.
We are going to SF soon, just for a weekend. I am slightly looking forward to it. It's to see my best friend and her H while they are in town visiting, and while I love her, he and I butt heads, and I would rather spent time with A, exploring, just the two of us. We will make the best of it and end up having fun I am sure.
I am also prepping to take the GRE so I can get started on looking at schools more in depth. If I could get the program working on my computer. A is going to look at that tonight so I can hopefully get started.
Speaking of A.....so looking forward to seeing him tonight, his job is kind of stressing him out (his boss quit so he is shouldering a huge load now) and I know he feels better when he gets home and relaxes. Any thoughts you have, please send his way that they find a replacement.....or make some kind of changes soon!
3 comments:
Hi Flutterby-
I am so sorry you are going through all of this! I am thinking we live in the same area, and I was wondering who your RE was. It seems like you had a really bad experience and I am about to start my first IVF in a couple of months, and wanted to make sure I don't go with your first RE. It is hard living in places with few close by options! BTW, I found your blog on the bump IF board. Take care!
Emily
Thanks for the support. It's been a really tough year. It's hard sometimes because I feel like it's my fault that it's been so hard, because I chose to pursue treatment, but at the same time, that doesn't make it any easier.
I wish you luck on your journey!
When you email, let me know your Nest name. :)
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