Beginnings

Well, every blog has to begin somewhere, so this is it!
At the time of writing this I am at a somewhat ambivalent point in my life. Still "young", but feeling lost.
We are in the process, have been in the process, of trying for a baby for almost two years now, we are recent transplants to California, and I am pining for a new job.
We have a great life in so many aspects, and I wonder why I can't just sit back and be happy, but for some reason, some THING is holding me back.
Trying to conceive is constantly on my mind, and although I do have supportive people in my life to discuss it with, I sometimes feel as if I am alone in my thoughts and worries.
I miss home. Which is strange to both myself and my husband, because I always knew that I wanted to move out of Michigan, and we have been happy here since, but we recently visited home and it makes one miss familiar sights, sounds, smells, and family and friends.
On the job front.... who knows? The job I had out of college was okay, not great, and then bad. The job I currently hold started out phenomonal and has since began to turn downhill. Probably for the same reason the earlier one did (coworkers and office issues aside), it's still a sales job with lots of travel. I liked (saying this somewhat hesitantly) traveling in the beginning, but it got old fast, and with this new job I am traveling almost double what I did with the last. It was crazy this last year, and I am sure that it is not helping our trying to conceive (TTC from now on).
So at times it feels as if everything is wrong.
But I am lucky.
I have a wonderful husband, my health, a job, a place to life, a car to drive, two beautiful, loving cats....I could go on and on.
But sometimes I have trouble focusing on these things.

Back to TTC, I am frustrated with the whole process (which I am nearing the end of another month, with my hopes high again) and the time that it is taking.
"Just relax, try not to think about it so much", "you're young, give it time", etc etc, get kind of old. We tried for over a year on our own, and when I visited the OBGYN recently, I mentioned to her our issues. We began to temp and chart and time things more than we did before, and after three months I returned and was told to continue on. I have had a hysterosalpingogram and everything was clear, my husband has also had his prelim. testing, which came back clear, so I decided to make an appt with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). He did the initial ultrasound and that was fine and he would like me to get some clotting tests, further testing on my husband, and a endometrial biopsy. I am putting these things off, because I am still holding out hope for this cycle, but they are still on my list of things to do......lots to think about as I mentioned.

So, to end this first entry, I am crossing my fingers that the curse stays far away this cycle and our hopes are fulfilled. 21 cycles is a long time.......
And the job search will still continue, also.