So I have been a very bad blogger in the last week. I just haven't felt like getting online when I am at home, 'cause I sit on a computer everyday at work.
I have been busy at work this last week, which I love (not always loving what I have to do, but I love being busy). I talked to my one boss earlier this week and he blew my mind with something that he said - he told me that I need to start taking over more things from my female boss because he sees me beoming CFO of the company one day. And isn't that what I want he said? I said "more responsbility and money?" he said yeah, and I replied, definitely. I mean if I am going to stay there, I definitely want to make more money and have some more responsbilities (hopefully I could pass some of the more mundane and time consuming things off to someone else if I were to take on other things, 'cause I don't want to let anything fall to the wayside or be done half-ass). Still, in the end I know that this is not what I want to do the rest of my life. It's funny to see the little things that they offer me, as if if to tide me over in the meantime. I don't think that they are stupid, I think they realize that I am unhappy a lot of the time.
Plus after our last marketing guy walked out and the other sales girl backed out of the position, my boss, in a fit of desperation it seems, instantly hired two new people to replace them. The first ones that she interviewed and right after interviewing, didn't even think about it or review other resumes. Oh well, so be it. They are both getting paid more than me, which for the marketing/graphic guy, that is fine, I can't do the technical things that he does, but the new sales girl - has the same amount of experience that I came to the table with a year ago, plus I know all the ins and outs of the company and have attended numerous trade shows (18 to be exact) in the last year. Sigh. What can you do? Last time I asked for a raise, I was told I had been demoted when I took the Office Manager job, and that a raise wasn't in the cards for me.
Onto other chipper subjects. As this month was when I was supposed to have my endometrial biopsy, I used OPKs as instructed, starting on Day 9. I never got a positive in the 11 days that I used them (total bummer), so I called my doc to see what he had to say. He prescribed estrogen and progesterone for me. I start taking the estrogen on Day 1 on this new cycle, tomorrow I am pretty sure judging by my body today, and call them and they will give me further instructions about the rest of the month. He says that this is to regulate my cycle more, so they can build a calendar for me and get my in for my biopsy, so we can move forward with the whole pregnancy plan. Hopefully it works out as I am thoroughly sick and tired of waiting.
My mom and I discussed this yesterday and she told me that I just need to trust in God and tell him that I am putting my worry in His hands and believe that He has a plan for me and that He will take care of things. I get that kind of thinking, but I don't know how much I follow it. See I think (and bear with me, I have trouble explaining this) that God does direct us, and cares for us and is there when we have troubles, so we can lay them at His feet so to speak and He will help, but at the same time, He made us to think for ourselves and to make our way in the world. So for all that I would love to say, I can't do this anymore Lord, please take my burdens upon you and I will trust in your decision, I feel as if He leaves those decisions for us and that He will be there for support and guidance, but that you are to make your way in life in your way and based on your choices. Maybe this is silly and doesn't follow any special belief system, but it is how I feel. Not put very eloquently, but such is life. English graduate who isn't always so good with words.
I leave for St. Louis on Tuesday morning. I get to see my brother, his wife, my grandparents are stopping by, and I have a couple of friends at the show. All in all it should be a good trip, other than the fact that I do have to attend the show. My birthday is Thursday. I turn 27. Yippee. We started trying when I was 25 and A was 28. Still nothing. Let there someday be a light at the end of the tunnel.
We discussed it a little more last week. I asked him about not having kids at all. If we didn't, couldn't, and didn't adopt, I asked him if he felt that he could be fulfilled living like that. He said Yes. I told him I think I could too, but I would like to travel more and do things. Right now, honestly, I don't always feel fulfilled, but that is because I am striving for this goal. Children have always been what I see for my future. If it turns out that we can't have them, I am going to have to rethink how we will live and what we will do instead.
Maybe open a kitty rescue ranch. :-)
Well this is pretty long, trying to make up for my absence in the last week. Be back soon (if I have internet in STL, if not, next week it is!).
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