It's been awhile

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. Not really sure what to talk about I guess.

I have had some exciting things happen recently. I got a new job, just part time, but I am excited to be working again.

We also took a week-long trip to Mexico for our 5 year anniversary at the end of May that was just heavenly.

Otherwise, not much new in our lives.

I recently thought I was pregnant. Like, until yesterday. I "thought" I was late (didn't know the exact day of my LMP). My breast were sore, I was feeling pulling sensations in my uterus, just like with my c/p. But when I went to the bathroom yesterday I wiped and it was red and I started feeling crampy.
Made me glad I didn't buy a test, but I have been unbelievably sad since. I just thought that maybe, for once, things were coming together in a good way and my hope was crushed.

I am just really down in the dumps today.

My boring life

This is the reason that I have not be writing much lately. There is just not much to say.

I am content.............for the most part...........with the passing of the days, but nothing too profund has been occurring so I haven't had an intense need to update.

But for those who care:

My lovely period is 11 days late at this point.
Have I been hopeful? A tiny bit.
Am I pregnant? A resounding no.

We went our for St. Patty's day this week. I started off the day w/my friend H and her bf K, and then got together w/A and our friend J (others showed up later). All in all it was a good day, baring the drama that occurred around 10, but we will let that slide.

Then yesterday I hung out w/J and H and had a couple drinks and J made me feel a little guilty for drinking when I was "not sure" as she put it.
(I was sure. I was pregnant last month, remember? I know what it feels like and the feelings I got going on are............nonexistant).

So I pulled out a test (my only one! a digital!) this morning and with FMU, I proceeded to pee.

*blink, blink, blink* goes the hour glass.
Then:
NOT PREGNANT pops up.
Lovely start to the morning.

Anyway!
I went to the GYN the other day for my annual. It was fine, pap was fine, went in for u/s because of pain issues.
Two things about the u/s. Results = mass on left ovary, likely a productive cyst, or an endometrioma. Whee! So I go back on the 5th to discuss that.
Second thing - went for u/s told to pay $375 because ins. wouldn't pay because I hadn't reached my deductible. Okay, wrote check, received receipt. Paid.
Ummmm. Or not. Got bill yesterday. U/S was actually $800, so we own around $425 still.
Awesome!
Hate medical fees!!!!!

One other titillating story before I head out again.....
My friend H yesterday. Sigh. She is w/this...wonderful (??? lol) boy (man? whatever) and he is a dad. He has two children by two different women. So, fertile, right?
They don't use condoms and she is "bad" about taking her bcp's she says.
So yesterday, she makes mention of the fact that she is glad AF is here because she "doesn't have that $750 to spend."

For an abort.ion.
Are you freakin' kidding me?!?
Sigh.
A)Like it is such a light matter that you joke about it!
B)You KNOW I lost a pregnancy last month. You KNOW we have been trying for over 3 years!
C)Are they really that cheap? I have to pay $800 just to get a look up my hoo!

With that.....I am off.
Oh, one more thing! We are spending some of our tax return (thanks, medical expenses!!) to take a week's trip to Mexico. Yay! So excited.

Please find me an RE to go to!
K, bye!

A step in the right direction??

On Wednesday I went for my annual w/my GYN. I missed it last year because I was in the middle of an IVF cycle, and just never got around to making up for it.

Anyway! We were talking about my cycles and I asked her, respectfully, to not mention anything we talked about to my RE. I know, I know, patient confidentiality and all that, I think docs watch out for one another, so I felt the need to mention this.

She says, "Ok, I never talk to him. And can I be honest? I have heard a LOT of bad things about him recently." She didn't go into a lot of detail, but mentioned that she has heard from multiple patients and one of her office girls about his lack of professionalism and bad bedside manner and inability to discuss anything.

She mentioned that a lot of the tests he uses are outdated and he is unwilling to share any patient info w/her (she wants to follow up on patients she has referred and see how things are going) and is really bad about providing records to patients when they are requested.

It made me feel good to know that I am not crazy, that he is really difficult to work with and that I am making the right decision to move on and cut my losses, but sad that other women are dealing with his "sub-par-ness" as I have termed it.

Then she gave me the names of two other REs that she has heard great things about, one which one of her office girls see. :)

So now, I just need to call and make an appt with one or both of them and see what I think.

In other news....I have been having tons of pain each month. Like, crazy pain. Taking NSAIDs 2-3 times a day. So I mentioned that to her, and she has me going in for an u/s and then possibly getting another laparoscropy in the near future. She offered to put my back on the devil (aka BCPs) for six months to quiet everything down, but I turned her down. I just want to get pregnant too badly.

Where should we go for vacation??? Why can't I decide? It was fun to look at first and now I am just finding it stressful because so many places look nice and I just don't know where to go!!!!
Help!

Is a Break Necessary?

Burnt out.

I can't stop thinking about researching new REs, specifically REs in the LA area, because if we remain in this area LA seems the most likely place to find a new one (an hour closer than SF and some of the REs have satellite offices in cities closer to me), but I just don't have the energy or the motivation, or whatever to do the research.

I am burnt out.

I can't begin to imagine starting over. But I can't imagine not moving on and trying again.

I know I don't have a lot of readers (:)), but if anyone sees an RE down in the LA vicinity and can recommend them, I would truly appreciate it.

Being unemployed is a hindrance definitely, but at the same time it gives me the opportunity to visit a doctor that is further away, without the stress of missing work a lot. So maybe now is the time to do this.

I just want a miracle to happen. I want to just love on A and have a miracle happen. A miracle that will make this path, this journey, all this pain worthwhile.


Onto other, hopefully brighter, topics.............
I am trying to plan a trip. I didn't think it would require so much research, and I am probably making it harder than it should be, but I keep finding hotels to put on the list and I am checking about 6 different websites for the "best deal". We are interested in going to the Riviera Maya, specifically around the Playa del Carmen area (at least closer to that than Cancun). Last year we had to pay on state and federal taxes. Well with all that we spent this year on meds and all the other misc. IVF bills we are getting money back.
We need some time away. Some time for just the two of us. Some time to connect on a fun, relaxing, and physical level. We have the emotions down (loss and hard times have truly done that for us), but as many of my Nest friends can probably attest to, sex is just not the same. Not in the "oh, we aren't newlyweds anymore", but in the "sex is not about us anymore, not about fun, it's about making a baby, or doing it because we haven't in a long time and we should now". It's sad.
Although yesterday we slipped in a quickie at lunch. ;) A had to inspect a building closer to our house and stopped home at lunchtime. It was so nice.

Anyway! If you have any recs on hotels in PDC, let me know that too!

It's beginning to look at lot like......

RAIN!!!

Ugh, I really really need this to go away. We are planning on going to Disneyland this upcoming weekend, but I am not tromping around in the rain. Sigh...I really hope it clears up, this is one thing that I have been looking forward to lately. I really really want to see the Christmas decor.

Not much new otherwise, watching weather.com like crazy, wrapping gifts like it's going out of style, and tomorrow is the baking day. Keeping busy at home, actually liking being off, but getting a little anxious about a job. Would like to at least get a call for an interview. Some interest woudl be nice.

Disneyland!!

Yes, it will be our third time there in little over a year, but whatever!! I want to see the Christmas decor and spend some time at the "happiest place on Earth"! So off we go, we are booked for a weekend in December and I can't wait.
We almost opted not to go because of my work situation, or lack thereof, but we have some travel money saved up so we are going to splurge and do it anyway. Yay!

Home is where my heart is

A little bit of good news (no, my RE still has not called about A's test results!) from yesterday. I got to work and signed online to check for orders and whatnot and saw that Southwest is having a deal on flights. So I thought I would look into it for A and I to go home. So I looked at a week this fall, flying from L.A. to De.troit. First response was $607, not bad for the both of us, changed the return date, second response was $444!! So, we are going home! We are excited. And we will be in town to celebrate my birthday with family. Hopefully it will be a good time.

I was kind of waiting to see when the next cycle would be, but who knows and why put my life on hold for IF and treatments? I decided we would just do it. So we are excited.

I am going to bed early tonight. We were good yesterday, went for a run/walk when we got home and today I lifted weights and did some crunches. But AF is here with a vengeance. I have a killer headache and cramps. Bed looks very inviting. Hope everyone has a nice night!!

Long time no see

Ok, I know it's been awhile since I posted. I have an excuse I swear!

First off, I still do NOT have the results of A's karyotpe testing. We were told between 2-3 weeks. Monday was 3 weeks, so I called the RE's office. The nurse said that they do not have anything that she knows of, but she would check with the doc and call me back. So I am still waiting for that call back. So irritating. I know I could call them and follow up, but I get so sick of doing that with them. I feel like I am the one who does all the work. I give them money and I still have to be the one to contact them.

Anyway, otherwise, what is new in my life? Well last week we, as I mentioned, were busy. I guess I should start with the weekend huh? On Friday I went over my friend H's house - we watched girly movies, ordered Chinese and drank wine. (We watched Waitress, not something I would recommend for any of my other IF girls). We got slightly drunk and I dared her to go swimming in the ocean. So we did, at 1:30 am. Well I stood up to my waist, she swam for a minute. Not the brightest idea, I do realize. Saturday I came home, napped for a bit and then went to dinner with A. On Sunday he went golfing and I went to see The Proposal. It was pretty good.

Last week we were prepping for our party that we had this past Saturday. It was a blast. Good turnout (except for one guy, who RSVP'd and then no-showed, which irritates me - just call or text and say you changed your mind, that's better than not showing up at all). I made a ton of food and everyone seemed to like it. I was going to take some pics to put up with the recipes, but I didn't have a chance because I was so busy. I will try to get the recipes up soon though. We ate, played Trivial Pursuit, then played Mario Party on the Wii and then PunchOut. And had some adult beverages. All in all it was a pretty good time.

That's about it though. The most stressful thing in my life right now? Trying to figure out when to go to MI and visit family. A wants to go this summer. I want to go to to Vegas too. And we are thinking about going "home" for Christmas. We will see.......................

Time flies and crawls

So it's been awhile since I last posted, I know, I have been a bad blogger. I think I posted just when I had started the Lup.ron. Sorry. Time flies because I have been busy, but crawls because I am ready to get on with this cycle and get to the 'good' part.

Anyway, things went great with the Lu.pron. I am currently down to the lower dosage and today we started the injections of Meno.pur. I also add in the Dexa.methasone tonight. To get to this point we had a little bump in the road. I was a little, make that a lot, disappointed yesterday at our RE appointment. We went in for the suppression check and to teach A how to give me this new injection. The doc did the ultrasound and lo and behold....a cyst! Sucky. So I was sent to have some bloodwork done to check my hormone levels and left w/out starting the new meds. I was beyond disppointed.

So we left and got the b/w done and went to lunch to wait and see what we heard. We ended up getting a phone call around 5 that said that the hormone levels came back at the level that they were supposed to. So we got to go in this morning and have another ultrasound and ultimately begin the injections. A did really well. The RE coached him through it, but I think he will be fine to do it each day. So on with another step.

So last week I was busy cleaning the house each night last week and preparing for my best friend to come. She and her husband came on Friday night. We left as soon as they arrived and headed down to Disneyland. We spent Saturday there and at California Adventure. Then on Sunday we went to Six Flags, Magic Mountain. It was pretty fun. It's been steamy the last couple of days though, so pretty warm too. Yesterday after the appt, we all went to lunch and then I took them to Mor.ro Rock, and to Avil.a Beach. It was fun. We stopped to get ice cream on the way home and then I made some steak tacos for dinner. They headed back out this morning.
It was good to see them

I have the most horrible headache, I think it's from the medicine, so I am going to head to bed soon. Night!

So I got a "new" schedule in the mail from my RE today. It has the appointment times scheduled for the days that they need me to come in.
I also got a phone call from the nurse on Monday to set up my Lupron training. That will be this Sunday at 11:15a. So A and I will go in and get trained and then we plan on going to lunch. Maybe we will stop into Costco too and pick up some things. We will see though. So injections start on Monday. I am a little nervous, but I do have that saline that my mom got me, so maybe I will practice with that on Sunday night so I am not as nervous on Monday morning. It won't end up being my 1st shot, ya know?

So I have a countdown again. My best friend and her husband will be here in 16 days, I am so excited to see her. We are going to Disneyland and to Six Flags while they are here. So that should be fun. I have one of my doctors appointments on the Monday after we get back from Disney and they will still be in town, but I am going to ask to take a half day (the appt is at 11:30, so I think I will try to work 7-11. Then we can grab lunch w/A and spend the rest of the day together. We will see, hopefully it works out ok.

One of my coworkers brought up that tradeshow that had me worried. My boss said that she (the cw) and my other boss would definitely need to go. So maybe that means that she will stay back and I will be set. I am crossing my fingers that things work out ok. Send up a quick prayer for me if you think about it, that it goes smoothly. More stress is not really something I feel that I can handle right now. You keep your head up though. Keep going.
Well I should get going now, gotta go check the laundry. Night!

And just to remind myself in the future - my H is being awesome tonight. Cleaning the house by himself. I am being selfish and not joining in because, well just because. I will vacuum and dust so it doesn't bother his allergies, but tonight I am enjoying this burst of motivation on his part. Thanks, A, love you so xoxo

Good, but tiring weekend

So I went home. To MI! I was happy to be able to see my parents again. I guess I am too homesick in some peoples opinions, but oh well. I think part of it stems from our IF. It's really hard to go through, as many know, and it feels in a way like an illness to me and it makes me want my mom. So I had a blast. Let's begin from the beginning, which wasn't all that smooth.......
Wednesday @ 7am I headed down to the airport. Everything was smooth until we reached my favorite airport - Phoenix. My connecting plane had mechanical issues and was delayed 3 hours. Yay. I have spent some many hours in that airport waiting for delayed planes or for the next plane because my first plane was delayed. It's really great.
Anyway! So instead of arriving in Detroit at 6:30, I got in at 10. It was worst for my dad as he gets up at 4:30am to go to work, so he was really tired on Thursday.
On Thursday my mom and I hung out. I got my hair cut, we went to lunch and shopping then home to spend time w/my dad and just relax.
On Friday my mom and I went to the mall and then we went out with my dad and A's parents and brother for dinner. Then we went to a local bar in my hometown and my best friends all showed up. We left there, the parents went home and we went bowling and to a karaoke bar.
On Saturday my BFF and I ate breakfast w/my parents, went shopping (lol, I am not even that big of a shopper!) and then out to dinner w/my and her parents. Later that night all my friends came over my mom and dad's again and brought their kids (fun, but.......).
On Sunday my BFF had to leave for home and I had to get ready to go home too. It was a sad day, but so worth it to see my parents again.

My mom gave me some needles, syringes and saline so I can practice my injections too. It was really nice of her. I have to go pick up my BCP's sometime this week because I start those on Friday night. I have my Menopur and my other drugs were overnighted today, so I should be receiving those tomorrow. So yay! And, OMG! And.... I don't even know what to say.
Here it goes!
And it's definitely a go. I started spotting pink yesterday, so I am just waiting for it to start fully. But that should work out well w/the BCP's too, starting right as I start my period.

I should get going though. I am so tired from the time change and not sleeping well last night. I am going to job search and then go up to bed. Happy St. Patty's Day!!

Bad blogger

So I have gotten really bad at this blogging thing lately. We have been busy and I just got over a horrible sickness. These are my excuses :-).

Since the last post - that day I started a new cycle (not 6 days or more like the doc suspected, but 1.5 days after the procedure, lucky me). It was a really heavy, crazy heavy flow, but it only lasted about 4 days (ahh the joys of medicine), which hasn't been common since I was on the pill (now almost two years ago). Other than that I have had a pretty normal cycle, some spotting starting while we were at Disney and ending when I had that weird stomach bug. I am crossing my fingers for this month (like usual), but we will see.

The election is ALMOST OVER! Two more days. I am so completely happy. Hopefully things die down - obviously we will discuss the new president and what they do right or wrong, but we won't have to listen to people trying to sell themselves and put down others as much. Sigh, it will be so nice.

Christmas is coming! Only about 53 more days! I can't wait. It's the same every year. It's my favorite holiday. We have started shopping a little bit. Just a few things here and there for people. Hopefully we won't have to pick up anything last minute. Cross your fingers.....

So as I said we have been busy lately. Two weekends ago we bought new car. A 2009 Saturn Aura. I like it quite a bit. It took me a few days though, I loved our Vue and was sad to have to turn it in. But it's turned out okay.
Last weekend we had our trip to Disney. It was so much fun! We had a blast. Went down to Anaheim on Friday night after work, went to Disneyland on Saturday, and then California Adventure on Sunday and drove home Sunday night. I wish we could go back already. It was decorated great for Halloween too. I love Disney. :-)
On Tuesday after returning A woke up feeling kinda sick, but soon felt better. I went to work and as the day wore on I started feeling HORRIBLE. It got worse and worse and close to 1pm I went home. Proceeded to lose my food in the two ways possible :-( for the next 2 days. Finally went back to work on Friday morning. It was the worst I felt in a long long time. And I hope not to feel that way again soon. Funny thing is --- girl barfing = girl pregnant --- everyone was asking if I was pregnant or not. How I wish it was that easy...........

We had a good weekend this weekend. Went shopping at Target and Kohl's yesterday and then had pizza and a movie at home, and then today I got up early and started dinner in the crock pot - beef stew, and made some bread for dinner. We did laundry and a little shopping again, Old Navy, BB&B, CostPlus, and Trader Joes. Then came home, undecorated from Halloween, had dinner and relaxed.
It was nice.

Tomorrow it's back to the grind. I am going to bed early tonight to catch up. We gained an hour today, but I didn't get any extra sleep so I am tired from a busy day. Can't wait until next Saturday. It's the Hallmark open house. I always get all my Christmas cards and some cute stuff from the store. It kinda makes me sad too, my mom and I used to always do that together. I miss spending time with her, especially on "our" days.
Love you Mom.

Another Wednesday

So time for a much needed update....

I got a raise! $1/hr, so not too shabby. I was pretty excited about it.

A and I are going to Disneyland next weekend, I am super excited. And as far as I know we are also going on a cruise in Jan with my parents. Got the time off, just need to get the cruise booked. Yippee! That helps with the stress level.

I baked some cookies last week, but I forgot to take pics so I wasn't able to put up the recipe. It's one of our favorite kinds though, so next time I make them I will get some and put it up. They are delicious.

I had my endometrial biopsy on Monday. I was pretty nervous going into it, but it wasn't THAT bad, about as bad as my HSG or a little bit less.
I went in at about 1:55p for my 2pm appt. They took me back and asked if I had a full bladder, too bad I didn't as I didn't know it was necessary. So I got to sit in the exam room for 30 min drinking three huge glasses of water to get that going. Then he did the procedure. It was painful for maybe 5 sec. I just tried to keep breathing. So now all we need are these results and maybe we can make a plan.

That's about it for now. I have been sick the last two days (along with A) so I am headed up to bed for some much needed rest.

Time passes

So time passes, definitely. It's been a bit since I have written. Partly because I was out of town for the aforementioned tradeshow, partly because I have had trouble getting back into this for some reason.
I have felt more at peace this month. I can't really explain why, probably because the whole TTC journey is out of my hands right now. I started my last cycle and upon starting it, I also began taking estrogen. First two days was 3 pills a day, from the on 2 a day. I go to the doc tomorrow for an appointment (I believe there is an ultrasound), probably to see how everything is going? I am not really sure.
I start progesterone supplements on the 5th of Oct and continue those until the 14th. I have my biopsy scheduled for the 13th of Oct. So, my life as this point in time is definitely regulated. I am now out of my own control (other than remembering my medicine), and I am actually quite liking it. It also takes the stress off. I don't think we CAN get pregnant on the estrogen, so I am not even thinking about it. Plus it's not a normal month, in so many ways. Lets suffice it to say that no one deserves a month long period. Blah..... it could stop anyday now.

As for the job search. I am still listlessly searching. I have lost my extreme desire to get out. I am (for the time being, I guess) resigned and/or settled to what I am and where I work. I am sure that will change. Maybe it has to do with the whole infertility thing. One can only handle so much at once.
In regards to the job and traveling. It wasn't so bad this time. I saw my brother and his wife, my grandparents stopped in, and I got to see some good friends of mine from the show and meet some new people. All in all (if you disregard the show itself) it was a good time. And coming home to A was wonderful too. I slept for almost a day straight (that's right I had 2 days off after returning, it was pretty amazing) and relaxed - watching tv, reading, getting lunch with A. Made me want to never go back to work. Can I be a stay at home wife?? :-)

Other than that, life is pretty quiet I guess. I partied a bit in STL for the trade show, which was a blast. I haven't done anything like that in a long time. Reminds me that I am really not that old and I should still try to have fun sometimes. Especially considering once (if) we have kids, things will even change from how they are now, although it's pretty quiet and laid back (as in not much going out, other that dinner, shopping, etc).

I should go though. I will try to be better about posting again......

Misguided and lazy

So I have been a very bad blogger in the last week. I just haven't felt like getting online when I am at home, 'cause I sit on a computer everyday at work.
I have been busy at work this last week, which I love (not always loving what I have to do, but I love being busy). I talked to my one boss earlier this week and he blew my mind with something that he said - he told me that I need to start taking over more things from my female boss because he sees me beoming CFO of the company one day. And isn't that what I want he said? I said "more responsbility and money?" he said yeah, and I replied, definitely. I mean if I am going to stay there, I definitely want to make more money and have some more responsbilities (hopefully I could pass some of the more mundane and time consuming things off to someone else if I were to take on other things, 'cause I don't want to let anything fall to the wayside or be done half-ass). Still, in the end I know that this is not what I want to do the rest of my life. It's funny to see the little things that they offer me, as if if to tide me over in the meantime. I don't think that they are stupid, I think they realize that I am unhappy a lot of the time.
Plus after our last marketing guy walked out and the other sales girl backed out of the position, my boss, in a fit of desperation it seems, instantly hired two new people to replace them. The first ones that she interviewed and right after interviewing, didn't even think about it or review other resumes. Oh well, so be it. They are both getting paid more than me, which for the marketing/graphic guy, that is fine, I can't do the technical things that he does, but the new sales girl - has the same amount of experience that I came to the table with a year ago, plus I know all the ins and outs of the company and have attended numerous trade shows (18 to be exact) in the last year. Sigh. What can you do? Last time I asked for a raise, I was told I had been demoted when I took the Office Manager job, and that a raise wasn't in the cards for me.

Onto other chipper subjects. As this month was when I was supposed to have my endometrial biopsy, I used OPKs as instructed, starting on Day 9. I never got a positive in the 11 days that I used them (total bummer), so I called my doc to see what he had to say. He prescribed estrogen and progesterone for me. I start taking the estrogen on Day 1 on this new cycle, tomorrow I am pretty sure judging by my body today, and call them and they will give me further instructions about the rest of the month. He says that this is to regulate my cycle more, so they can build a calendar for me and get my in for my biopsy, so we can move forward with the whole pregnancy plan. Hopefully it works out as I am thoroughly sick and tired of waiting.

My mom and I discussed this yesterday and she told me that I just need to trust in God and tell him that I am putting my worry in His hands and believe that He has a plan for me and that He will take care of things. I get that kind of thinking, but I don't know how much I follow it. See I think (and bear with me, I have trouble explaining this) that God does direct us, and cares for us and is there when we have troubles, so we can lay them at His feet so to speak and He will help, but at the same time, He made us to think for ourselves and to make our way in the world. So for all that I would love to say, I can't do this anymore Lord, please take my burdens upon you and I will trust in your decision, I feel as if He leaves those decisions for us and that He will be there for support and guidance, but that you are to make your way in life in your way and based on your choices. Maybe this is silly and doesn't follow any special belief system, but it is how I feel. Not put very eloquently, but such is life. English graduate who isn't always so good with words.

I leave for St. Louis on Tuesday morning. I get to see my brother, his wife, my grandparents are stopping by, and I have a couple of friends at the show. All in all it should be a good trip, other than the fact that I do have to attend the show. My birthday is Thursday. I turn 27. Yippee. We started trying when I was 25 and A was 28. Still nothing. Let there someday be a light at the end of the tunnel.

We discussed it a little more last week. I asked him about not having kids at all. If we didn't, couldn't, and didn't adopt, I asked him if he felt that he could be fulfilled living like that. He said Yes. I told him I think I could too, but I would like to travel more and do things. Right now, honestly, I don't always feel fulfilled, but that is because I am striving for this goal. Children have always been what I see for my future. If it turns out that we can't have them, I am going to have to rethink how we will live and what we will do instead.
Maybe open a kitty rescue ranch. :-)

Well this is pretty long, trying to make up for my absence in the last week. Be back soon (if I have internet in STL, if not, next week it is!).

Bits and pieces

I went and had my thrombophila test on Wed. morning. It was extremely easy. Don't eat or drink anything other than water for an hour beforehand and go in and have your cheek swabbed for about 3 minutes. Lots of money later, test complete, results are due in in about 2 weeks. Other than that the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. On Thursday night A and I went to Farmer's and got some apples and peaches. Went to Dowtown Brewery for dinner and just walked around downtown. A's car was acting up (I had left about 3 minutes before him) so I had to go back to follow him back to his office, from there his boss let him take one of the company cars for the night and we headed home.

He got the car fixed on Friday - the serpertine belt had come loose, so he got that fixed, replaced the part that had created the problem and got new front brakes. I went to bed early that night as I had a horrible headache (same as every other night this past week), and tried to rest it away. No such luck. Woke with it again on Saturday morning, but it was bearable.

On Saturday morning we took my car to Wallyworld and got an oil change, got our rings inspected, went out to lunch and checked out the new library in Santa Maria. It's really nice. Difficult to find stuff at first, but impressive nonetheless. We made tacos for dinner last night and just relaxed. Today was really nice, we went and got some fresh-picked apples, went wine tasting (and buying) and came home and had dinner. Now I am typing this up while he attempts at traveling further on Zelda.

I believe that A's test have come back well, as the nurse mentioned that they were in and smiled at me as she read them, but she said she couldn't show me the results until the doctor reviewed them. I started my OPK's yesterday in order to find when I surge so I can set up my endometrial biopsy. I feel somewhat calmer this cycle. I am not sure why. Maybe I am entrusting more to my doctor and willing him to figure this out so I don't have to worry as much. Or maybe it's just the beginning of the cycle and I am analyzing it more because I have begun writing this blog. We will see as the end nears.

I believe I will be attending the show in St. Louis, which should enable my to see my brother and sister-in-law. It will be nice to see them as long as my brother can demonstrate a little tact with the things he says. I made the mistake of mentioning our difficulties last month when we were home and he took it upon himself to offer advice about a treatment that we haven't even considered yet. None of his business in the end, it will be our (A and I) decision alone.

I am interested in learning more about the presidential candidates and their running mates. I expect to find myself searching the web for this in the near future. It has never really interested me before, I personally do not care for politics, but the race is becoming more interesting in regards to the running mates that were recently chosen.

Hurricane Gustav is rushing into the Gulf of Mexico as I type, they are expecting upwards of a Category 4 to 5 for this one. It's frightening to think of all the damage that could occur in that already devastated area. Hopefully something gives.

Onto bigger and brighter things. Continuing the job search. Hopefully, also, when my parents return home from their vacation I can talk to them about our plans for a cruise together in January. I would love to get that booked in order to have something to look forward to.

Job angst, con't

So I guess I shouldn't complain about my job to my husband anymore. I am unhappy as I have stated previously, but I guess I must bring it up too often for his taste. His response tonight was, "You aren't cut out for the workforce, you should just quit and be a stay-at-homer." Well, I guess that maybe he wasn't getting at this, but it made me feel quite horrible about myself.
In deference to his feelings, I am sure he is tired of hearing me complain about it, and he probably feels pretty helpless when I do, because he doesn't know what to say to make me feel better and doesn't really know how to help me because I am the only one that can get myself a job.

So anyway, what set it off today was me asking my boss if we could talk about trade shows and figure out who is doing what. She agrees that it is time and calls a meeting w/her husband and our marketing guy and starts discussing the shows and who will do what and so forth. I hear that I am nominated for one show (not invited to the meeting, but selected for a show nonetheless) and I go to the kitchen to get my lunch. As I walk back my other boss asks how I feel and I say, "Whatever, that is fine." Not really professional of me, but our place of business is anything but, unless someone gets a bug up their butt to make it seem so at times.
I am upset because 1)I have to do a show, 2)petty I know, but it's my birthday weekend, 3)there was another show that I said I would do if I had to do a show, because it's where my brother and sister-in-law live.
Later on my main boss mentions that she thought I had wanted to do the other show and I said yeah, if it works out okay. So I guess I should be able to do the show where I see my brother (not holding my breath, because things have a tendency of changing at the last minute). It works out okay in the end. I get to see family on my birthday, but not my husband, and I still have to travel. (And yes, I realize that I don't always help the situation at work, but in the heat of the moment it's difficult for me to step back and rationalize everything I say.)
As my dad would say, six one way, half dozen the other, what are you going to do?

So, as always a "bad" day at work energizes me in my job search. Which also brings about the comment from my husband. It's almost....no. I desire a new job, I want one that fulfills me and makes me happy, I want to provide for us, I wish I didn't feel the need to expound upon all the reasons I dislike my job. One day I am sure that will all come about.

I just read an article about sitting down, writing down all the things you are grateful for and make you happy. Do so until you are in a place of peace, then ask yourself what you want to do with your live. Make that your vision and strive for it, it will take time and there will be diversions, but you should continue to focus on your goal and it will happen.
Sounds good, but Ms Skeptical/Cynical (I wasn't always this way) doesn't know if it really sounds that realistic.