That is how I feel here in California. I want to move back closer to our families, but for multiple reasons, we can't move back at this time. And by back, I don't mean Michigan per se, just back east and closer.
First and foremost, we have a contract with my RE. He has four chances to get us pregnant (fresh IVF's, not FETs, those are unlimited within the time period) within a 24 month period. So, until/unless he gets us pregnant within that time period, we are at least stuck here until it is over. (And I do see humor in that comment - HE gets US pregnant. Sad humor, but it's there nonetheless!)
Second would obviously been the necessity of a job wherever we are headed, for at least one of us. I had a job when we moved out here and A got one about 3 days later, so we were pretty lucky. At that time I thought it was meant to be, but it seems my feelings have changed. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't naive enough to think it would be easy and we wouldn't miss our families and our "old" life, and we HAVE had some good times, but I am really, truly over it. I love our friends out here, and I will be so sad to leave them, but I just think we need to be closer to our families. Plus, I am just not a California girl.
I get irritated with costs out here, the state's economy (and the fact that they are completely broke, but continue to do unnecessary road maintenance on roads that don't need it), the tax rates, the "perfect" weather, living near the ocean instead of lakes, the BROWN of the landscape most of the year, etc, etc.
I probably sound ungrateful and whiny. Honestly, I am so glad for this opportunity. I always wanted to get out of Michigan and being out here does not make me want to move back there, but it has shown me the things I miss and want and need in my life. And I am so proud of us. We had an offer in June, we decided within about 1 week, we both quit our jobs, packed up and moved 2500 miles away from everything we had ever known. And we have done well, we both have jobs, we have made great friends, we have seen a lot of a wonderful state, and we can't look back and ask "What if".
I guess I am just ready for this chapter to be done now. I am ready for a new adventure, one that hopefully includes a child (preferably children) and I want those children to know their grandparents, not just see them once a year. I want them to experience the same closeness and love of family that A and I did, I want them to be able to spend a weekend with their beloved grandparents/aunt & uncles whenever they can, not when money/flights/school/work permit. That's all.
Onto lighter topics - the Gar.lic Fe.stival yesterday was fun! The weather was perfect (ha!) and the food was incredible. A and I had garlic toast and garlic chicken quesadillas. My friend T and her boyfriend D had garlic calamari, a garlic beef sandwich and garlic fries. We all tried a free sample of vanilla garlic soft serve. If it hadn't been free we probably wouldn't have, but I am glad we did, it was great. It was a really fun time and I am glad we checked it out.
Then last night I went out with the girls and I was the DD. We sang songs from the jukebox and just socialized, it was a good time. And one of my guy friends, out of the blue, asked when A and I were going to have kids and I explained about our situation. He was awesome, understanding and really compassionate. He gave me a really big hug and told me that he is sorry we are going through this and that he would be thinking about us. Shows that sometimes you CAN talk to someone and though that might not completely understand, they at least empathize.
6 comments:
For real? An entrie festival for garlic? That sounds like a little piece of heaven!
Good luck with your upcoming IVF!
My Romanian husband would LOVE the garlic fest. You would not believe the quantities his family consumes!
And, as a fellow Michigan girl, I completely understand missing the lakes even though you have the ocean. The saltiness of the water ALWAYS surprises me.
It's hard to be away from home sometimes, and it's even harder to have to stay in a place when you're ready to leave for reasons that are beyond your control. At least there was the garlic festival!!! That sounds great!
~ICLW
I get that feeling too, the desire to move on with your life. I'm ready (have been ready for years now!) to be a mom, but I'm still trapped in IF. I get it.
On another note, the garlic festival sounds great, I wonder if its the one in Gilroy I've read about and always wanted to go to. Glad you had fun!!
Wow, I love garlic, but garlic soft serve...I agree, I wouldn't have tried it if it wasn't free!
Not living where you want to live stinks...been there. Hope you get free to move soon because IVF works!
I get your feelings. It's funny how we so under-estimate our home area. As a herpetologist, people often ask if I hope to live and work in South America near the Amazon. No. I'd love to go there for a time, maybe help friends that work down there, but my work is on North American amphibians. My field sites are in Ohio. My family is here-ish, my friends are here, this is home. And I love it. There was a time that I wanted nothing better than to leave, but there was also a time I thought kids were something you put up with. Growing up often means growing wiser.
Although I might have to go out west for a garlic fest sometime!
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