The long.....of it

It's funny how boring I find my life to be, when blogging at least. It's like IF and talk about IF and cycles and medications, etc, etc. are my only way to be interesting. Otherwise I feel as if I have nothing worthwhile to write about, as if there is nothing else that would be worth reading. I feel like when I don't blog about IF, I am just replaying my days and it becomes repetitive and boring.
But...........when you aren't in the midst of medicated cycles, appointments, blood draws, and all the other amazing, fun stuff that IF and treatments consist of, you live your life. Not like infertility doesn't consume me. Oh no, I started spotting last week on CD18. On CD19 it was a bit of bright red spotting. I was depressed, but (oh yeah, here I go again with the hope word) hopeful that hey, maybe this cycle it's NOT my stupid period gearing up for a week beforehand. Maybe, just MAYBE it's implantation spotting. But, I have continued spotting since, some days it's bright red for a bit, somedays it's brown, but all in all, it's leading to the lovely end of cycle sadness that awaits me each time.
So, yeah, there's life for you.
And lately I have been feeling slightly depressed. I called my doc last week about A's results, said they would call me back, still haven't heard anything. Today marks 4 weeks since he had his b/w done. My point here is that I am unhappy with my RE. He wants me to trust him and rely on him, but I feel like I can't. And to top it off, we gave him a ton of money and signed a stupid contract saying that he has "two years" or "4 fresh cycles, and as many frozen as can fit into that period" (in more nice, legal terms obviously) to get us pregnant. And I really feel as it it's not going to happen. He is really my only option in this area, but I wish I had done what I know a bunch of other girls do, and just found someone else, even if they are further away, and sucked it up and went to them because I liked and trusted them.

But, life is a big what if right? Who knows if things would be better.
So, yeah this has turned into a big bitch session huh?

My weekend. Right, that is what I was going to write about! The mundaneness of my life (I know, I know, I am cheerful, huh? One can only be happy for so much of the time though.....). Anyway, Friday! I left work at 12:30. Came home, laid out in the sun. Went to see Pub.lic Enem.ies. Good movie, I recommend it.
Saturday, laid in bed, laid out, went to friends for a party and to watch the fireworks. Sunday, laid in bed, went to lunch and Ta.rget and P.etSmart. Nice weekend, pretty relaxing, can't really complain.
Getting tired though, thinking about going up to bed to read. I am rereading The Pact, by Jodi Picoult. It's one of her better ones I think. So 'tis it for now. Have a lovely night!