Work stress

I feel boring lately. I have been so down in the dumps, woe is me, my life sucks this last week. I feel boring, blah, and just not myself.

I know I complain about my job, probably too much. I tell myself that I should be happy to HAVE a job in this economy, but I am so completely beyond miserable that the words just don't have a lot of meaning to me.

Friday the 24th was a really bad day. I had a nice weekend, but it was back to hell, and I mean that, on Monday. I can honestly say that it doesn't help that I was due to start my period at any moment, but Mon-Wed were just complete misery to me. I can't even tell you all the things that set me off, but sitting at your desk and trying not to cry and thinking horrible thoughts about your bosses is not any way to be. I couldn't handle it. Thursday morning came and for the first time ever, I took a mental health day. I called in sick and laid in bed and watched romantic comedies. Then I met a friend for some drinks and dinner. It was a really nice day and it felt SO GOOD to be away from the biggest stressor in my life right now.

But then comes Friday. I felt as if I had to go in, but my boss thankfully gave me an out. Asked me if I was feeling better (NO!!) and I said not really. He was all then, why don't you try to get all your stuff done and go home? So I did. I didn't feel guilty about fudging the truth either. I didn't feel "good". I have so much trouble working for them. I wish I could adequately explain all the things I have been through there, but that would take too much time and I really don't feel like rehashing it. It's like this - try your hardest, no recognition, make one mistake, easily fixable, never hear the end of it, run the office single-handedly, you don't do enough - pile more things on your plate, one day they love you and talk to you like you are friends (which secretly makes you laugh because it's so preposterous), the next day become cold and negative and disrespect you. It's so hard to work wondering what type of day your bosses (married to each other, which is not helpful at all) are going to have, because it totally affects your day. Listen to them scream back and forth across the office at each other, f**k this, f**k that, and on and on.

Ok, so I know I said I wouldn't go into it, and I did. I hope you get the picture. Anyway, long story short, I went home early on Friday. Tried to nap, watched some Greys on DVD and just hung out.

One exciting spot from this weekend - we stopped at the craft store and I bought all the things I needed to get started with knitting and began teaching myself on Sunday. I lost myself in it for about 3 hours. I like it so far, hopefully I can learn it pretty well and start making some stuff. I would love to knit some cute socks or scarfs and give them away as Christmas gifts. We will see, I don't know if that is too ambitious of a goal. Wish me luck though.

And, one more aside; as I mentioned I was awaiting a new cycle. I started it on Saturday. Whoop-ee.............I was pretty bummed (like always, I know). So it's looking like probably one more full cycle before I start on the BCP's for IVF#2. I am getting antsy, so ready to get started. I had a dream on Monday night about a baby - a little baby boy. I was breastfeeding him. Let's hope this is some kind of wonderful sign.