Oh the days you will have..........

So let's just say, to put it lightly, as if you don't already know, I am not super fond of my place of employment. Sigh.

So today I arrive a few minutes late. This is normal for me on Mon, Wed, and Fri as I stop at the Post Office and our physical mailbox and collect the mail. So as I arrive at the office I find my boss and his daughters sitting in his truck. I open my door and start collecting my things and hear, "Nice of you to finally make it here." Now, lets just say I am not always afraid to speak my mind, so I replied, "Well, maybe you should get the mail on the way in then." So walk up to the door to unlock it (this is the reason he was waiting in the car, for some reason the owner didn't have keys to get in the office) and his little daughter reiterates that I was late. So I told her, in his hearing, "You should tell your daddy to get the mail on the way in. I am late on M, W, and F because those are the days I get the mail." He chimes in with, "You were late yesterday too." I look at him, witheringly I hope, and say, "Yeah, 3 minutes and I stayed 5 minutes late to make up for it." (Yes, if you wonder I am very respectful employee when necessary, but not in these instances, respect, also, in my opinion, is earned not a requirement) He goes on and on about how he was joking, how I should know that he doesn't care what time I come in. Except I then point out to him that most "jokes" have some semblance of truth to them. He continues claiming that it was a joke and he doesn't care. It just burns me. I stop at the Post Office three days a week, go to the bank at least 3 and I do all of this while clocked out and w/out asking for mileage reimbursement. Float me a few minutes, k?

So, as that was a great start to a Friday, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful until our unproductive afternoon meeting. They bring up a tradeshow that is coming up in May that we all might have to go to they say. Uh yeah. Not going to work out for me. My ER and ET are scheduled to be right around that time. I instantly get nauseous and start thinking that maybe I can reschedule and do it in June instead of May. And then I get upset. Because the thing is, even if I can get out of going, if 3 other people are going to be gone, they "need" me at the office. Its just really difficult. I spoke to my parents about it and they told me that the last thing I need to do is worry and to just proceed how I am. I am scared because I really didn't want to tell my boss what we are doing, I was just going to say I had non-life threatening medical procedures and appointments that I needed to go to. But who knows? Now I feel like I will need to tell her. And I want A w/me if and when I do. Because she will badger and say we are young and we shouldn't spend our money on it and blah blah blah. It's not her decision or business really. But I think they heard some of my conversation with my parents because when I was leaving (I was kinda teary-eyed during the conversation and you could tell by my voice) she asked me, "How are you?", I said fine and kept walking.

Why can't life be simple? Why must I be such a worrywort?

Leaving this with a brighter thought......... I start my Lupron in about 10 days now. :-)

Ho-hum

So...yeah that's about it in my life right now. Nothing too exciting.

My BFF and her H are coming to town in about 3 weeks. I cannot wait to see them! We are going to Disneyland and Six Flags while they are here. They get to our area on Friday and fly back to MI on Wednesday. So it should be a good visit.

As I mentioned before, I started my BCP's on Friday 3/20. I also stopped drinking and I am trying to keep my caffeine intake strictly to restaurant beverages.

Other than that..ho hum! We went to see Duplicity last night. Good movie! I recommend it.

Well, this is one of my shorter blogs, but that's about it thats new. Just waiting to see my bestie and for the next step in this process.

BCP's started!

So I started my BCP's on Friday night. Two done, 20 or so more to go.

Thursday was a REALLY crappy day. I started my period in full force that day, and I am not joking. I actually had to go home because my tampon and my pantiliner gave up the ghost and I was a mess. How embarassing. It was (TMI here) clotting and just pouring out of me. I don't remember the last time it has ever been so bad. So I went home and decided to just stay in bed with a huge pad and a heating pad all afternoon. I caught up on the Grey's Anatomy that I have missed lately.

Yesterday I was pretty lazy. Okay, totally lazy. I laid in bed all day long. I finally got up around 4:30 because we were going to a bonfire at the beach. Turns out you can't have one from Dec-Mar so we ended up going back to our friends house and having dinner and playing Apples to Apples. I have given up drinking, hopefully for two years or so!, so I didn't drink last night. I let A and I told him I would be the DD. We had a good time.

Today I am not sure what we are going to do. A made me breakfast and then I laid in bed for a bit watching a stupid show. Then I called him up here and we, um. Well, you know :-) We also took a shower together, which I enjoy. So all in all it's been a pretty good morning.

I think we are grilling out tonight, burgers. Hopefully it stays sunny so we can. It's super windy, but it looks pretty out otherwise.
Gotta go though! Later

Good, but tiring weekend

So I went home. To MI! I was happy to be able to see my parents again. I guess I am too homesick in some peoples opinions, but oh well. I think part of it stems from our IF. It's really hard to go through, as many know, and it feels in a way like an illness to me and it makes me want my mom. So I had a blast. Let's begin from the beginning, which wasn't all that smooth.......
Wednesday @ 7am I headed down to the airport. Everything was smooth until we reached my favorite airport - Phoenix. My connecting plane had mechanical issues and was delayed 3 hours. Yay. I have spent some many hours in that airport waiting for delayed planes or for the next plane because my first plane was delayed. It's really great.
Anyway! So instead of arriving in Detroit at 6:30, I got in at 10. It was worst for my dad as he gets up at 4:30am to go to work, so he was really tired on Thursday.
On Thursday my mom and I hung out. I got my hair cut, we went to lunch and shopping then home to spend time w/my dad and just relax.
On Friday my mom and I went to the mall and then we went out with my dad and A's parents and brother for dinner. Then we went to a local bar in my hometown and my best friends all showed up. We left there, the parents went home and we went bowling and to a karaoke bar.
On Saturday my BFF and I ate breakfast w/my parents, went shopping (lol, I am not even that big of a shopper!) and then out to dinner w/my and her parents. Later that night all my friends came over my mom and dad's again and brought their kids (fun, but.......).
On Sunday my BFF had to leave for home and I had to get ready to go home too. It was a sad day, but so worth it to see my parents again.

My mom gave me some needles, syringes and saline so I can practice my injections too. It was really nice of her. I have to go pick up my BCP's sometime this week because I start those on Friday night. I have my Menopur and my other drugs were overnighted today, so I should be receiving those tomorrow. So yay! And, OMG! And.... I don't even know what to say.
Here it goes!
And it's definitely a go. I started spotting pink yesterday, so I am just waiting for it to start fully. But that should work out well w/the BCP's too, starting right as I start my period.

I should get going though. I am so tired from the time change and not sleeping well last night. I am going to job search and then go up to bed. Happy St. Patty's Day!!

MI here I come!

So I did it. I talked to my boss today and she gave me the go-ahead to go "home" next week and visit my parents and some friends. I am beyond excited. We haven't been home since August. The only bummer is that A can't come w/me. Otherwise I am super excited and so are my parents. Flight prices went up, but A said to go ahead and do it anyway.

Speaking of money, A started working on our taxes tonight. We are NOT excited. It looks like we are going to owe money for the first time ever. It sucks. Hopefully he can get it figured out to at least drop the amount we owe. Sucks, sucks, sucks. Gotta spend a TON of money on IVF and I was hoping to at least cover the meds w/our return, but it looks like we have to do OOP (out of pocket) AND pay extra in taxes. Blah.

Oh and I have a good recipe that I wanted to share. I forgot to take a pic of it last night, but it turned out so yummy! Here it is:

Pork Chops in Mushroom Gravy
(I made this for two, but you could adjust for more)
2 thick cut boneless pork chops
1 small onion
1 can of mushrooms (or fresh)
1 can of cream of mushroom soup
Olive oil
White wine
Milk
Spices: Garlic powder, salt, pepper, onion powder, basil

Saute onions and mushrooms in olive oil until beginning to turn brown
While doing this season your pork w/salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and basil
Remove onions and mushrooms
Place small pat of butter in hot pan. Once melted place pork in pan to brown
While pork is browning, combine cream of mushroom soup, milk, and white wine (I eyeballed these, I am guessing around 1/4 c. each) and stir until combined
Add in mushrooms and onions. Season w/pepper, basil, garlic, and onion powder
Remove browned pork chops
Deglaze pan w/small amount of wine
Add soup mixture and pork chops
Cover and cook for 30-35 minutes on low to md-low heat (160 degree internal temp for pork)
During cooking I spooned the "gravy" over the meat to help it cook and keep it moist

I served it w/mashed potatoes (w/gravy on top) and green beans. It was so good. The wine gave the gravy a light yet rich flavor and the pork was so tender and moist.
I will definitely be making this again soon. If you try it I hope you enjoy it!

2 posts in a row, I must be feeling weird

So I have to get something out. My brother. Ugh. So a couple of weeks ago I had a rough night. I got my protocol in the mail and I had a little bit of a freakout. I got on my Facebook and wrote a status of "I'm scared.....that's it, just scared." A friend of mine was on and I was able to talk about it, I phoned my mom and I cried to my husband. I felt better. Oh yeah, the 3/4 bottle of wine that I drank might have helped too. :-)
Anyway, my brother gets on the next day and sends me an email about it. He says that by writing that on there I was crying out for help, blah blah blah. If I needed to talk I should call the family. I wrote him back, told him I was fine and that I did talk to Mom and A and some friends. I took the status down. Never heard anything else from him about it, but I made sure to mention it to my mom and tell her not to tell him about our decision on IVF.
He knows we are having troubles w/TTC, but I haven't let him know that we were told that our only option was IVF. We discussed it a bit this summer because I made a flippant comment about having money and just being able to do it and how it would be nice. It was made because I had heard that an actor couple had used it recently to have twins. Who knows if that was true, but whatever......
He said that I should talk to him before I decided on IVF and I just looked at him. It burned me. (Background here, he is a pastor and he thinks that he knows (not everything) a lot and something about everything. I walked away and bitched to A about it because he doesn't know what we are going through and his opinion wasn't welcome. We didn't really talk the rest of the visit.
I went to STL in Sept for a trade show and that is where he and his wife live. He picked me up from the airport and we went back to his house for dinner. On the way to my hotel he broached the subject and said that he would just like me to discuss it w/him before I make my decision, as he has researched it a lot and feels like he might have some input. He also told me that he didn't want me to rush into anything without researching it myself. I don't remember the whole conversation. It was a good one, but I know I told him that at that point we weren't even discussing it and not to worry that before we made the decision we would be sure of what we were going into.
Back to the present, I got a phone call from him on Thursday. I was out w/friends so I called him back and let him know that it wasn't a good time to talk and to see what he wanted. He wants to discuss my status message from that day. I don't see the big deal. I wrote something in the heat of the moment when I was upset and SCARED. And I don't really WANT to talk to him about our decision. I don't feel like it is his business, I don't want to be judged and I don't want advice. I am sure that sounds bad, but I feel that unless someone is going through this like we are, then they have no right to tell us what to do and I don't have to sit through their opinions (which they are entitled to, I realize) and advice.
So I am avoiding calling him now. He will badger me and I will cry and he will find out and judge me and all the things I don't want to have happen will.
It irritates me that I have to worry about this and think about it and plan what/how I am going to say things to him on the phone. Ugh.

I don't know if that helped, getting it out. I still feel frustrated and nervous. But maybe more resolute. My mom thinks I should just tell him. She doesn't think that things should be secrets. I kinda feel like I might tell him and my other bro after we get pregnant. But at the same time, a baby is a baby, who cares how it came about??? Especially after 2+ years and 31 cycles of trying? A miracle is a miracle. God gave us these skills to use. That is what I think.