Hope, silly silly hope

So what was I saying last week? I think that I told A that I didn't have any hope anymore. Such a lie. Not that I knew it was going to be a lie, but alas (haha) it was. I have been spotting since last Thursday or so. Normal for me, but such a light light amount. Technically, according to my cycle before IVF, I should have started my period yesterday. I spotted, but no period. Today, same thing. But tonight we went shopping after work I noticed a lot more spotting in my liner. So we will see. I am sure it's going to happen soon. So now I am just waiting and wondering and......hoping that it doesn't. But....know it will.

Onto more cheerful topics. I am looking forward to tomorrow night. We are going out downtown for pizza with our friend H and whoever else shows up. Hopefully we will go out for some drinks later and just chill for a bit. It's nice.
This Saturday we are going to trick our friend J into going out for her birthday party. We want to go to a local sushi place. They have these grills that, if you have a larger group of people, you can sit around and they will stir fry veggies, make fried rice, and other stuff on, right in front of you. It's fun and really good food. We, H and I, asked her today if she wanted to go out for dinner and a movie on Saturday night, as a trick. She said yes. So hopefully we can do dinner as a group and then hang out after, she wants to go see The. Han.gover. It should turn out nice, I hope. I will update how it goes afterwards.

So that's about it for now........smooches!

Oh, one more new thing, I stole a recipe from Mrs.Babbsy's food blog, for Cheesy Buffalo Ranch Dip. We made it for dinner tonight. I cut it in half for just the two of us, but it was really pretty good. I would probably use more hot sauce next time because we like stuff spicy. I should have taken a picture because I did say I was going to do recipes in here for people. Anyway, here is the recipe:
Buffalo Chicken Dip
Ingredients:
2 (14.5 oz) cans of chicken breast
2 (8 oz) packages of cream cheese
1 cup Ranch 1/2 cup of hot sauce (I used Frank's)
1 cup of shredded mild cheddar
Preheat oven to 350.First mix the cream cheese until it's smooth and creamy. Then add the hot sauce and ranch, and mix until well blended. Add chicken one can at a time. Add cheese and mix. Cook for 20-30 (you will see it bubble on the sides)
So yummy! Enjoy if you try it!

I am a ray of sunshine

Or something huh? I told A tonight, after we had our little bit of fun, that I am getting better, but I meant it somewhat sarcastically, because I feel as if I have lost hope. We have "tried" this cycle and I have absolutely no hope for it. Don't get me wrong, things haven't changed since last post, I am still pretty happy, I just don't know if we will ever get pregnant and I feel like IF we do, it won't be just us, on our own, ya know?

Anyway, enough of that. We had a really good night last night (tonight has been to shabby either, wink, wink :)). We went downtown w/a friend for dinner to this small restaurant that I went to with her on Saturday. They have a buffalo wing special on Wednesday nights and A LOVES wings. So we went, got some beers and ordered our food.
A was so funny. He starts eating the wings and seems a little disappointed because, well, they just aren't hot enough. Strangely about one wing later, he eyes tear up, the skin around his mouth is red and he is sniffling and chugging his beer. Hmmm, honey, what happened? I think we all know!
Afterwards my friend H and I wanted to go to a local bar and keep drinking (noticing a theme to my last two posts? Sigh, yes I probably need to cut back again, I am not drinking a ton, but it's healthier to not drink at all or just only every once in awhile, not 2-3 nights a week). A didn't want to go. He wanted me to take him back to his car (he works near the downtown area, I work closer to our house, so I met him there and we were going to drive home separately) so he can go home and H and I can go out. We suckered him into staying though. H called some more friends and they met us and we all ended up having a pretty good time. Got home around 11:15, so it wasn't even that late. Felt fine this morning when I went to work, well other than dreading going to the actual job, ha!

So that's what I have been up to. Mon & Tues, basically nothing, Wed, fun, tonight, just chilling at home with A.
Still waiting on the karyotype results so we can move forward - either based on my "bad" results, or on getting A tested to see if there are any issues there. Whee!
'Tis all for now.................

Another lovely post from me

So here we go again! I feel like I never really get on here to post about anything good. Except maybe our trip to Disney. I guess it's okay to use this as my venting place, everyone needs one. Anyway, somehow I was hopeful this month again. I actually felt ovualtion and I had hope. Until yesterday, because somehow I was able to overlook the brown spotting that I have had since the night of Christmas Eve. It began officially today. I told A last night before I went to bed that I wanted to get back on birth control. Obviously not to prevent conception, but to prevent hope. It drives me crazy each cycle. Already I am thinking, okay well this cycle is shot, but it's a a new one now, maybe THIS will be the one. How many times can you hit a person before they figure it out? Anyway, our cruise is in 19 days now. Not long. I get to see my mom and dad and cry to them. I looked at the website for our fertility clinic today to get some ideas of cost. Yay. I just want it to be easy. I cried and prayed last night, asking for help. I just feel hopeless right now. Maybe tomorrow will be better after I get some sleep. Maybe I will have better perspective. That will be the day.