Another lovely post from me

So here we go again! I feel like I never really get on here to post about anything good. Except maybe our trip to Disney. I guess it's okay to use this as my venting place, everyone needs one. Anyway, somehow I was hopeful this month again. I actually felt ovualtion and I had hope. Until yesterday, because somehow I was able to overlook the brown spotting that I have had since the night of Christmas Eve. It began officially today. I told A last night before I went to bed that I wanted to get back on birth control. Obviously not to prevent conception, but to prevent hope. It drives me crazy each cycle. Already I am thinking, okay well this cycle is shot, but it's a a new one now, maybe THIS will be the one. How many times can you hit a person before they figure it out? Anyway, our cruise is in 19 days now. Not long. I get to see my mom and dad and cry to them. I looked at the website for our fertility clinic today to get some ideas of cost. Yay. I just want it to be easy. I cried and prayed last night, asking for help. I just feel hopeless right now. Maybe tomorrow will be better after I get some sleep. Maybe I will have better perspective. That will be the day.