Just checking in real quick. It's Saturday around 6. We were out and about today. Got some free undies from VS. Have another coupon waiting to be used, but it's not until next week. Applied for another job today. It's depressing to even look out there right now, there is just nothing. Sigh.
Only 20 more days until I start BCP's. I got my Menopur in the mail on Wenesday. One thing off my list!
Other than that, nothing much new. My mom and I looked up all the drugs online to see what their use is.
I am trying to get back to MI in March for a few days. We will see if that works out. A says I should go even if he can't. So I am going to ask on Monday and see what the evil bosses say. Cross your fingers for me. My mom has four days off so it would be awesome to see her again.
Anyway. That's about it for now.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
A week in the life of.........
Oh I am proud of myself! Only one week between posts. How sad huh? Well as an update - we have gone in, both gotten our blood work done, and I have all my meds ordered. My Repronex is coming from the UK (so weird!), the BCP's from a local pharmacy, and the rest (Lupron, HcG, etc, etc) from Encino, CA. So all over the place. The Repronex should be here sometime this week (I figured better for it to get here early, rather than arrive late) and the other stuff, less the BCP's, will ship on 3/16 and arrive on 3/17. I start BCP's on 3/20, so I figure my doc's office will call them in around that time.
Other than that, pretty quiet around these parts. My job is still as cruddy as ever. I have about zero patience left for the stupidity of my bosses. I find myself sitting at my desk and rolling my eyes all the time. Sad, but true. Thursday of this past week I went out w/some girlfriends. We are starting a new tradition of girls night out. It's becoming a standing occasion. We have done it the last 4 weeks now. It's super fun, though not that exciting. We go out to dinner, have some drinks and then head over to a local bar and listen to some live music. The only downside.... I have to work the next day and so does one of the other girls. Oh well, it's worth it! :-) As A says, I need to take advantage of it while I can. :-) :-)
This weekend was pretty uneventful. I went home early on Friday. I have been having these weird stomach issues - I eat, very little, and then I can't anymore. I feel so full of air that I can't fit anything else. And it hurts and it's super uncomfortable. I can't burp to relieve it either. Then later (like an hour or two) I am finally able to start burping and it tastes so HORRIBLE. My burps never taste so it's been really strange. I figure I will watch it and go to the doc if it doesn't get better. Hopefully it does though.
Otherwise, on Saturday we went out to lunch and then to a movie - "He's Just Not That Into You" (pretty good I thought! A was kinda so-so on it). Then that night I was invited to a Bunco party. We all wore Pj's (Breakfast at Tiffany's theme), at breakfast food, had mimosa's and played Bunco. It was my first time playing and it was pretty fun!
On Sunday we went out to lunch, ran some errands and then relaxed the rest of the day.
Today was a typical Monday, but at least it is almost done.
Anyway, I am going to get going, gotta check for jobs some more and then House is on! Night.
Other than that, pretty quiet around these parts. My job is still as cruddy as ever. I have about zero patience left for the stupidity of my bosses. I find myself sitting at my desk and rolling my eyes all the time. Sad, but true. Thursday of this past week I went out w/some girlfriends. We are starting a new tradition of girls night out. It's becoming a standing occasion. We have done it the last 4 weeks now. It's super fun, though not that exciting. We go out to dinner, have some drinks and then head over to a local bar and listen to some live music. The only downside.... I have to work the next day and so does one of the other girls. Oh well, it's worth it! :-) As A says, I need to take advantage of it while I can. :-) :-)
This weekend was pretty uneventful. I went home early on Friday. I have been having these weird stomach issues - I eat, very little, and then I can't anymore. I feel so full of air that I can't fit anything else. And it hurts and it's super uncomfortable. I can't burp to relieve it either. Then later (like an hour or two) I am finally able to start burping and it tastes so HORRIBLE. My burps never taste so it's been really strange. I figure I will watch it and go to the doc if it doesn't get better. Hopefully it does though.
Otherwise, on Saturday we went out to lunch and then to a movie - "He's Just Not That Into You" (pretty good I thought! A was kinda so-so on it). Then that night I was invited to a Bunco party. We all wore Pj's (Breakfast at Tiffany's theme), at breakfast food, had mimosa's and played Bunco. It was my first time playing and it was pretty fun!
On Sunday we went out to lunch, ran some errands and then relaxed the rest of the day.
Today was a typical Monday, but at least it is almost done.
Anyway, I am going to get going, gotta check for jobs some more and then House is on! Night.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The agony and the ecstasy
So sometimes I can't help but laugh at myself a little bit. Granted I believe that hope is essential to this journey that we are on, but sometimes I feel that it's unfounded. Like now. So, TMI here, yesterday I had this bright red spotting, only once when I wiped during a bathroom visit. And then it was gone. Then today, changes to brown spotting, then nothing. Then tonight again, bright red. Now I know, honestly, in my head, that this is not going to happen on it's own. As difficult as it is for me to say that, but each cycle I still hope and wish and pray. And feel defeated at the end. For some reason that initial spotting was early enough that I hoped that maybe it was implantation spotting and not my period starting. Sigh.
I am happier than normal because at least now I KNOW that we are moving forward, that we are being proactive, but I still hoped that we could do it w/out the medical help.
Speaking of medical help, it's been a bit since I last wrote. I think I was busy processing (albeit w/the help of wine) the protocol and our future in my mind. I am beyond scared of the drugs and the shots and the appointments and the retrieval, and... and....and. I keep telling myself that I am strong enough to do this, that a ton of women have been through it already, etc, etc, but it's kind of empty at this point. I talked to my mom about it. I think she understands, she was sure to point out to me that I am not a failure, that there is nothing wrong with US, that the doctors don't even have a definitive answer. And ultimately that it's not bad to need help.
I have a close friend that pointed out something that helped me too. That whatever happens, that whatever it takes, that baby that we create will still be part me and part A. It was just what I needed to hear.
A is being great too. He makes comments about our future and this summer that just make me smile (don't get me wrong, we are realistic, we know this MIGHT not work, but at this point in time we are being completely positive and saying that it WILL, that we WILL be pregnant this May after our ET). We planned a weekend in May for a local Beerfest and I said, well we should be able to sell these tickets if necessary right? He said, nah that's okay. You can still go, I will just drink for you. And when I wanted to stay home the other night w/him because he was sick instead of going over my friends house for drinks, pizza, and movies, he told me to go because I didn't have much longer to party. It makes me so incredibly happy to think about being pregnant. About carrying OUR child, about creating a family and embodying the love that we have for each other in a precious baby.
Ecstatic is the word that I would use. That feeling is what pulls me through all of this.
I noticed my first comment the other day. Thanks for reading! I will try to be better about posting.
I am happier than normal because at least now I KNOW that we are moving forward, that we are being proactive, but I still hoped that we could do it w/out the medical help.
Speaking of medical help, it's been a bit since I last wrote. I think I was busy processing (albeit w/the help of wine) the protocol and our future in my mind. I am beyond scared of the drugs and the shots and the appointments and the retrieval, and... and....and. I keep telling myself that I am strong enough to do this, that a ton of women have been through it already, etc, etc, but it's kind of empty at this point. I talked to my mom about it. I think she understands, she was sure to point out to me that I am not a failure, that there is nothing wrong with US, that the doctors don't even have a definitive answer. And ultimately that it's not bad to need help.
I have a close friend that pointed out something that helped me too. That whatever happens, that whatever it takes, that baby that we create will still be part me and part A. It was just what I needed to hear.
A is being great too. He makes comments about our future and this summer that just make me smile (don't get me wrong, we are realistic, we know this MIGHT not work, but at this point in time we are being completely positive and saying that it WILL, that we WILL be pregnant this May after our ET). We planned a weekend in May for a local Beerfest and I said, well we should be able to sell these tickets if necessary right? He said, nah that's okay. You can still go, I will just drink for you. And when I wanted to stay home the other night w/him because he was sick instead of going over my friends house for drinks, pizza, and movies, he told me to go because I didn't have much longer to party. It makes me so incredibly happy to think about being pregnant. About carrying OUR child, about creating a family and embodying the love that we have for each other in a precious baby.
Ecstatic is the word that I would use. That feeling is what pulls me through all of this.
I noticed my first comment the other day. Thanks for reading! I will try to be better about posting.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
It's on
So I called the doc's office on Wed. That was not a good day. I was told that the cycle that we thought we could join is full, so we are pushed back. The secretary was out of the office that day so I wasn't able to get the "budget" information that I was hoping for. I was crying by the time I hung up.
On Thursday I called back, got the secretary, she promised to fax the info and passed on the note that we wanted to join the next IVF cycle. The nurse called back, told us we were in (starting late March) and that she would be in touch with more information soon.
Didn't receive the budget info, so I called again on Friday (they have half days Thursdays) and asked again for the budget stuff. She sent it over right away, so that was good.
So I am looking it over and we are debating on doing a single cycle or joining in on their savings plan cycles. You pay one larger amount but that covers up to 4 fresh and "unlimited" frozen. You would have to pay for the embryology fees, surgicenter fees, and meds and anesthesiologist, but not all the other stuff. Makes each cycle after the first around 4-5000 each instead of 6500 plus meds and incidentals each. So it is a savings. (I think I am correct on this info, but I don't have the paperwork in front of me so don't quote me on it.)
Anyway, so that is where we are. Moving ahead finally. I am pretty excited, scared, anxious, happy, terrified, sad, etc, etc, etc. It's crazy how you emotions fly around all at once.
I am done for the night. I will post more later. Especially when we find out more. In the meantime I am going to research insurance and see if I can find a better plan. Wish me luck.
On Thursday I called back, got the secretary, she promised to fax the info and passed on the note that we wanted to join the next IVF cycle. The nurse called back, told us we were in (starting late March) and that she would be in touch with more information soon.
Didn't receive the budget info, so I called again on Friday (they have half days Thursdays) and asked again for the budget stuff. She sent it over right away, so that was good.
So I am looking it over and we are debating on doing a single cycle or joining in on their savings plan cycles. You pay one larger amount but that covers up to 4 fresh and "unlimited" frozen. You would have to pay for the embryology fees, surgicenter fees, and meds and anesthesiologist, but not all the other stuff. Makes each cycle after the first around 4-5000 each instead of 6500 plus meds and incidentals each. So it is a savings. (I think I am correct on this info, but I don't have the paperwork in front of me so don't quote me on it.)
Anyway, so that is where we are. Moving ahead finally. I am pretty excited, scared, anxious, happy, terrified, sad, etc, etc, etc. It's crazy how you emotions fly around all at once.
I am done for the night. I will post more later. Especially when we find out more. In the meantime I am going to research insurance and see if I can find a better plan. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Back to real life
So we are back from our vacation. Unfortunately. We had so much fun and it was wonderful to see my parents. I had a really hard time saying goodbye and letting them leave. Here are some pics from the cruise.......
I would put more, but the blog would become all about the pics because those are much rosier than how I feel. I spoke w/my parents on the trip about our condition. We have made the decision to go forward with IVF. Now I just need to call the doctor and set it up and get some idea of payments, plans, option, when it will start, etc, etc.
The only bad thing is.... it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it, so I have been putting it off. So there's that. I know I can do it. I can. I just have to keep telling myself that I can. But I really need someone to hold my hand. Or do it for me. And make decisions and go through it. I know, that's obviously not an option and I know that I am strong enough for this, I am just questioning myself is all.
Anyway, I just can't really delve into this tonight anymore. I will get back on sometime soon and post more.
To end on a positive note - the vacation was great, seeing my parents was great. My best friend and her husband come to visit in April. There are good things, it's just sometimes difficult to get past the difficult.
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