Didn't EVER think that I would celebrate my period starting, but here I am....celebrating my period starting!
Longest cycle I have ever, ever had. It was insane! I was 19 days late, on CD45, and finally I started.
Now, hopefully we can move on.....and get lucky on our own.
I am sure some people think I am crazy for hoping that we might still have a chance (3+ years, 2 horrible IVF cycles, 1 chemical FET and still no baby or pregnancy), but I am crazy and I still hope that we might just be that .0000001% who have struggled so much and still ending conceiving on our own.
I think that it might be what keeps me going.
The other day I was trying to convince myself that we might be okay without children. We love each other, we have a good life, we enjoy being together. We would save SO MUCH MONEY (in more ways than one), we could travel more, continue to be spontaneous when and if we want to, etc, etc, etc.
But then I see television shows with babies being born and I instantly tear up and think, "I want that so badly", so I must not be too convincing.
We are going to SF soon, just for a weekend. I am slightly looking forward to it. It's to see my best friend and her H while they are in town visiting, and while I love her, he and I butt heads, and I would rather spent time with A, exploring, just the two of us. We will make the best of it and end up having fun I am sure.
I am also prepping to take the GRE so I can get started on looking at schools more in depth. If I could get the program working on my computer. A is going to look at that tonight so I can hopefully get started.
Speaking of A.....so looking forward to seeing him tonight, his job is kind of stressing him out (his boss quit so he is shouldering a huge load now) and I know he feels better when he gets home and relaxes. Any thoughts you have, please send his way that they find a replacement.....or make some kind of changes soon!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
My boring life
This is the reason that I have not be writing much lately. There is just not much to say.
I am content.............for the most part...........with the passing of the days, but nothing too profund has been occurring so I haven't had an intense need to update.
But for those who care:
My lovely period is 11 days late at this point.
Have I been hopeful? A tiny bit.
Am I pregnant? A resounding no.
We went our for St. Patty's day this week. I started off the day w/my friend H and her bf K, and then got together w/A and our friend J (others showed up later). All in all it was a good day, baring the drama that occurred around 10, but we will let that slide.
Then yesterday I hung out w/J and H and had a couple drinks and J made me feel a little guilty for drinking when I was "not sure" as she put it.
(I was sure. I was pregnant last month, remember? I know what it feels like and the feelings I got going on are............nonexistant).
So I pulled out a test (my only one! a digital!) this morning and with FMU, I proceeded to pee.
*blink, blink, blink* goes the hour glass.
Then:
NOT PREGNANT pops up.
Lovely start to the morning.
Anyway!
I went to the GYN the other day for my annual. It was fine, pap was fine, went in for u/s because of pain issues.
Two things about the u/s. Results = mass on left ovary, likely a productive cyst, or an endometrioma. Whee! So I go back on the 5th to discuss that.
Second thing - went for u/s told to pay $375 because ins. wouldn't pay because I hadn't reached my deductible. Okay, wrote check, received receipt. Paid.
Ummmm. Or not. Got bill yesterday. U/S was actually $800, so we own around $425 still.
Awesome!
Hate medical fees!!!!!
One other titillating story before I head out again.....
My friend H yesterday. Sigh. She is w/this...wonderful (??? lol) boy (man? whatever) and he is a dad. He has two children by two different women. So, fertile, right?
They don't use condoms and she is "bad" about taking her bcp's she says.
So yesterday, she makes mention of the fact that she is glad AF is here because she "doesn't have that $750 to spend."
For an abort.ion.
Are you freakin' kidding me?!?
Sigh.
A)Like it is such a light matter that you joke about it!
B)You KNOW I lost a pregnancy last month. You KNOW we have been trying for over 3 years!
C)Are they really that cheap? I have to pay $800 just to get a look up my hoo!
With that.....I am off.
Oh, one more thing! We are spending some of our tax return (thanks, medical expenses!!) to take a week's trip to Mexico. Yay! So excited.
Please find me an RE to go to!
K, bye!
I am content.............for the most part...........with the passing of the days, but nothing too profund has been occurring so I haven't had an intense need to update.
But for those who care:
My lovely period is 11 days late at this point.
Have I been hopeful? A tiny bit.
Am I pregnant? A resounding no.
We went our for St. Patty's day this week. I started off the day w/my friend H and her bf K, and then got together w/A and our friend J (others showed up later). All in all it was a good day, baring the drama that occurred around 10, but we will let that slide.
Then yesterday I hung out w/J and H and had a couple drinks and J made me feel a little guilty for drinking when I was "not sure" as she put it.
(I was sure. I was pregnant last month, remember? I know what it feels like and the feelings I got going on are............nonexistant).
So I pulled out a test (my only one! a digital!) this morning and with FMU, I proceeded to pee.
*blink, blink, blink* goes the hour glass.
Then:
NOT PREGNANT pops up.
Lovely start to the morning.
Anyway!
I went to the GYN the other day for my annual. It was fine, pap was fine, went in for u/s because of pain issues.
Two things about the u/s. Results = mass on left ovary, likely a productive cyst, or an endometrioma. Whee! So I go back on the 5th to discuss that.
Second thing - went for u/s told to pay $375 because ins. wouldn't pay because I hadn't reached my deductible. Okay, wrote check, received receipt. Paid.
Ummmm. Or not. Got bill yesterday. U/S was actually $800, so we own around $425 still.
Awesome!
Hate medical fees!!!!!
One other titillating story before I head out again.....
My friend H yesterday. Sigh. She is w/this...wonderful (??? lol) boy (man? whatever) and he is a dad. He has two children by two different women. So, fertile, right?
They don't use condoms and she is "bad" about taking her bcp's she says.
So yesterday, she makes mention of the fact that she is glad AF is here because she "doesn't have that $750 to spend."
For an abort.ion.
Are you freakin' kidding me?!?
Sigh.
A)Like it is such a light matter that you joke about it!
B)You KNOW I lost a pregnancy last month. You KNOW we have been trying for over 3 years!
C)Are they really that cheap? I have to pay $800 just to get a look up my hoo!
With that.....I am off.
Oh, one more thing! We are spending some of our tax return (thanks, medical expenses!!) to take a week's trip to Mexico. Yay! So excited.
Please find me an RE to go to!
K, bye!
Friday, March 5, 2010
A step in the right direction??
On Wednesday I went for my annual w/my GYN. I missed it last year because I was in the middle of an IVF cycle, and just never got around to making up for it.
Anyway! We were talking about my cycles and I asked her, respectfully, to not mention anything we talked about to my RE. I know, I know, patient confidentiality and all that, I think docs watch out for one another, so I felt the need to mention this.
She says, "Ok, I never talk to him. And can I be honest? I have heard a LOT of bad things about him recently." She didn't go into a lot of detail, but mentioned that she has heard from multiple patients and one of her office girls about his lack of professionalism and bad bedside manner and inability to discuss anything.
She mentioned that a lot of the tests he uses are outdated and he is unwilling to share any patient info w/her (she wants to follow up on patients she has referred and see how things are going) and is really bad about providing records to patients when they are requested.
It made me feel good to know that I am not crazy, that he is really difficult to work with and that I am making the right decision to move on and cut my losses, but sad that other women are dealing with his "sub-par-ness" as I have termed it.
Then she gave me the names of two other REs that she has heard great things about, one which one of her office girls see. :)
So now, I just need to call and make an appt with one or both of them and see what I think.
In other news....I have been having tons of pain each month. Like, crazy pain. Taking NSAIDs 2-3 times a day. So I mentioned that to her, and she has me going in for an u/s and then possibly getting another laparoscropy in the near future. She offered to put my back on the devil (aka BCPs) for six months to quiet everything down, but I turned her down. I just want to get pregnant too badly.
Where should we go for vacation??? Why can't I decide? It was fun to look at first and now I am just finding it stressful because so many places look nice and I just don't know where to go!!!!
Help!
Anyway! We were talking about my cycles and I asked her, respectfully, to not mention anything we talked about to my RE. I know, I know, patient confidentiality and all that, I think docs watch out for one another, so I felt the need to mention this.
She says, "Ok, I never talk to him. And can I be honest? I have heard a LOT of bad things about him recently." She didn't go into a lot of detail, but mentioned that she has heard from multiple patients and one of her office girls about his lack of professionalism and bad bedside manner and inability to discuss anything.
She mentioned that a lot of the tests he uses are outdated and he is unwilling to share any patient info w/her (she wants to follow up on patients she has referred and see how things are going) and is really bad about providing records to patients when they are requested.
It made me feel good to know that I am not crazy, that he is really difficult to work with and that I am making the right decision to move on and cut my losses, but sad that other women are dealing with his "sub-par-ness" as I have termed it.
Then she gave me the names of two other REs that she has heard great things about, one which one of her office girls see. :)
So now, I just need to call and make an appt with one or both of them and see what I think.
In other news....I have been having tons of pain each month. Like, crazy pain. Taking NSAIDs 2-3 times a day. So I mentioned that to her, and she has me going in for an u/s and then possibly getting another laparoscropy in the near future. She offered to put my back on the devil (aka BCPs) for six months to quiet everything down, but I turned her down. I just want to get pregnant too badly.
Where should we go for vacation??? Why can't I decide? It was fun to look at first and now I am just finding it stressful because so many places look nice and I just don't know where to go!!!!
Help!
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