What If

This topic has been on my mind a bit lately. I have worried about it since our chemical pregnancy, but I haven't wanted to talk about it because I am scared that it will make it real, if that makes any sense.

*sigh*

So, as were we doing on FET we followed our REs direction's completely, medication-wise. I have never had an inkling not to, well, other than possibly changing protocols, but he deemed that unnecessary, so we went along with it, but I digress.

My point is this:
In our first IVF cycle we did PIO with our protocl, starting that day of ER. Protocol called for 1mL of PIO each day.

2nd IVF is a little bit harder to compare......we did suppositories instead and I am so fuzzy on the period after ER until I got admitted to the hospital and put on IV pain-meds that I can't tell you for sure how many we did, but I wanna say it was one in the AM and one in the PM.

Fast forward to late Jan/early Feb. We have completed our FET and we are at the tail end of the cycle. We did one Estro.gen inject every 3 days and 1 PIO everyday. But the PIO was only .5mL.

Now this seemed off to me. For a couple reasons.
Well, first, we did 1mL w/the other cycle, wouldn't we do at LEAST the same amount now?
The reason I say at least is my second point. During a fresh cycle your body kind of knows what is going on. You actually grow follicles and at ER these follicles are aspirated for the eggs. During a normal cycle when your body releases the egg the follicular cyst that held the egg breaks down and releases Proge.sterone. This also happens with a fresh cycle.

But not with a frozen.

You are completely in charge of what your body "thinks" during a frozen cycle. You are telling it. Ok, now you are in the luteal phase of the cycle, let's create some proge.sterone. Voila, injection!
So in the fresh/natural cycle you are creating this hormone yourself AND supplementing.

In a frozen, you are pretty much just supplementing. Most doctors believe that by 8 weeks that embryo is able to support itself, but up until that time you need to help it along.

So long story short.....why was I on less PIO than with my fresh cycle? I even wondered during the cycle and thought about supplementing with the suppositories I had on hand, but stupid me. I trusted our RE and figured he knew what he was doing.

And now I have no pregnancy to show for it. What if we had used 1(+)mL of PIO, would that have helped? Would I still be pregnant today? What if I had gone with my gut instead of my subpar RE? Where would we be today?

I know that this isn't very healthy to think about, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it all the time. I know there is nothing we can do now. We lost the pregnancy, I can't go and get it back.

Do y'know.....I would be in my second trimester by now? :(