Telling tales

The last month has been pretty frustrating. For what it's worth, we rent. We moved to CA not knowing if we were going to stay long-term and/or where we would settle when we did. We now know that we probably won't remain here long-term, so we have continued to rent. It's hard sometimes to think about the fact that we are spending this money each month, never to see anything from it. Obviously we have to spend some kind of money to live each month, but you know what I mean.......

The point of my frustration is our downstairs bathroom (we rent a 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath townhouse). On April 15th, while cleaning, I noticed that there was some kind of leak in our downstairs bathroom - the drywall under the sink was moldy and damp - so we got in touch with our manager and let him know. He stopped in and looked and said that he would let our maintenance guy know to come and get it fixed.

Long story short, today is May 11th. Our bathroom is STILL unusable. I called last week wondering what was going on, as we hadn't seen or heard from anyone in a week. The manager stumbled and mumbled and said that they had been waiting for it to dry (btw, they never even found the leak!), so they could re-drywall it. Yesterday the maintenance man was supposed to come and start the process, but never showed or called.

I was fed up, so I bypassed the two of them and contacted the property management company directly. I honestly hated to do it because it made me feel like I was a tattle tale, but seriously??? Does it take 3+ weeks to find and fix a leak?? The owner got right back to me and apologized for the length of the process and said he would get it fixed ASAP. He wasn't lying.

The manager stopped by last night and apologized, offered us a discount on our rent because we had been w/out a bathroom for a month, and the maintenance man stopped in this morning and drywalled/mudded the holes. He will be back tomorrow and the next couple of days to finish the job.

Sometimes it does pay to complain.

My only issue now??? They never found the leak, so they are just fixing the bathroom walls w/out fixing the leak, so I really think that it might happen again. Hopefully we won't still be in this unit next time. *crosses fingers*

And a side note ----- thank you so much for all the support in my last post!! I truly appreciate it. It was a difficult day, I was definitely in a "mood", but we talked a bit this weekend about our plans and it made me feel better. We haven't really made any firm decisions, but we have some thoughts and it's nice just to talk about things sometimes. Again, thank you, you are so sweet!

It's that time of the year

First off, Happy Belated Thanksgiving!! We had a wonderful day yesterday. Although we missed family, one of our good friends, J, invited us to her aunts house to Thanksgiving dinner. Her family was so welcoming and kind, and the dinner was completely tradtional, just like I was hoping. Afterwards she and I got ready and went out to a local bar and just chilled with some drinks. It was a good time

I woke up this morning with a wine headache. Guess that's what you get when you drink almost a whole bottle of wine yourself throughout an afternoon. *blush*

We went out shopping tonight. Got 2 deer for our front "lawn" and some gifts that we wanted to pick up for family and friends.

When I got home I got some paperwork from EDD for my unemployment claim. I am so nervous for some reason. I realize that by quitting I don't just deserve unemployment, but the way it happened, which I don't really want to go into here, is more than enough reason to apply. So hopefully it comes through for us, it would be greatly appreciated and I would be beyond grateful. This is a rough time of the year to have no income and a bad state to live in on just one income.

I am so tired from my lack of sleep last night, so I am turning in, big day tomorrow, we are going to decorate the house, yay!! Night night!

Trapped

That is how I feel here in California. I want to move back closer to our families, but for multiple reasons, we can't move back at this time. And by back, I don't mean Michigan per se, just back east and closer.

First and foremost, we have a contract with my RE. He has four chances to get us pregnant (fresh IVF's, not FETs, those are unlimited within the time period) within a 24 month period. So, until/unless he gets us pregnant within that time period, we are at least stuck here until it is over. (And I do see humor in that comment - HE gets US pregnant. Sad humor, but it's there nonetheless!)

Second would obviously been the necessity of a job wherever we are headed, for at least one of us. I had a job when we moved out here and A got one about 3 days later, so we were pretty lucky. At that time I thought it was meant to be, but it seems my feelings have changed. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't naive enough to think it would be easy and we wouldn't miss our families and our "old" life, and we HAVE had some good times, but I am really, truly over it. I love our friends out here, and I will be so sad to leave them, but I just think we need to be closer to our families. Plus, I am just not a California girl.

I get irritated with costs out here, the state's economy (and the fact that they are completely broke, but continue to do unnecessary road maintenance on roads that don't need it), the tax rates, the "perfect" weather, living near the ocean instead of lakes, the BROWN of the landscape most of the year, etc, etc.

I probably sound ungrateful and whiny. Honestly, I am so glad for this opportunity. I always wanted to get out of Michigan and being out here does not make me want to move back there, but it has shown me the things I miss and want and need in my life. And I am so proud of us. We had an offer in June, we decided within about 1 week, we both quit our jobs, packed up and moved 2500 miles away from everything we had ever known. And we have done well, we both have jobs, we have made great friends, we have seen a lot of a wonderful state, and we can't look back and ask "What if".

I guess I am just ready for this chapter to be done now. I am ready for a new adventure, one that hopefully includes a child (preferably children) and I want those children to know their grandparents, not just see them once a year. I want them to experience the same closeness and love of family that A and I did, I want them to be able to spend a weekend with their beloved grandparents/aunt & uncles whenever they can, not when money/flights/school/work permit. That's all.

Onto lighter topics - the Gar.lic Fe.stival yesterday was fun! The weather was perfect (ha!) and the food was incredible. A and I had garlic toast and garlic chicken quesadillas. My friend T and her boyfriend D had garlic calamari, a garlic beef sandwich and garlic fries. We all tried a free sample of vanilla garlic soft serve. If it hadn't been free we probably wouldn't have, but I am glad we did, it was great. It was a really fun time and I am glad we checked it out.
Then last night I went out with the girls and I was the DD. We sang songs from the jukebox and just socialized, it was a good time. And one of my guy friends, out of the blue, asked when A and I were going to have kids and I explained about our situation. He was awesome, understanding and really compassionate. He gave me a really big hug and told me that he is sorry we are going through this and that he would be thinking about us. Shows that sometimes you CAN talk to someone and though that might not completely understand, they at least empathize.

job schmob

I hate job searching. Always. It's never fun. But in this economy it's even worse. So, yeah there is really just not much out there, but I am still trying. I won't get discouraged (ok, well I might, but I will keep plugging along).

I got annoyed today, at the Easter get together that we went to. Not because it wasn't nice. It was wonderful, with great food and lots of nice people. But this one man and I started talking about where A and I were from and he's all, Oh, California is so great, it's such a good thing that you moved out here. We lived in VA for a bit, but came back. Nothing compares.

There is a definite California mentality. They LOVE their state. But if you aren't from here, I can't always say it's for you. It's ok for us, but probably not our forever home. So there! lol

Anyway, on the IVF front. Stopped BCP's (YES!!) and the creams (even more YES!!!). Go the doc on the 20th for suppression check and stim training. I am excited.

Only 5 more days til my bestie gets here. I cleaned up her room yesterday and got the bed all ready. Got her a pair of pj's too, w/Thumper on them because she loves him.
We also bought some potting mix and plants yesterday and did some planting in our pots. I was happy. It was a really nice weekend all in all.

Well I am going to go watch the Tudors online. Later!!

Beginnings

Well, every blog has to begin somewhere, so this is it!
At the time of writing this I am at a somewhat ambivalent point in my life. Still "young", but feeling lost.
We are in the process, have been in the process, of trying for a baby for almost two years now, we are recent transplants to California, and I am pining for a new job.
We have a great life in so many aspects, and I wonder why I can't just sit back and be happy, but for some reason, some THING is holding me back.
Trying to conceive is constantly on my mind, and although I do have supportive people in my life to discuss it with, I sometimes feel as if I am alone in my thoughts and worries.
I miss home. Which is strange to both myself and my husband, because I always knew that I wanted to move out of Michigan, and we have been happy here since, but we recently visited home and it makes one miss familiar sights, sounds, smells, and family and friends.
On the job front.... who knows? The job I had out of college was okay, not great, and then bad. The job I currently hold started out phenomonal and has since began to turn downhill. Probably for the same reason the earlier one did (coworkers and office issues aside), it's still a sales job with lots of travel. I liked (saying this somewhat hesitantly) traveling in the beginning, but it got old fast, and with this new job I am traveling almost double what I did with the last. It was crazy this last year, and I am sure that it is not helping our trying to conceive (TTC from now on).
So at times it feels as if everything is wrong.
But I am lucky.
I have a wonderful husband, my health, a job, a place to life, a car to drive, two beautiful, loving cats....I could go on and on.
But sometimes I have trouble focusing on these things.

Back to TTC, I am frustrated with the whole process (which I am nearing the end of another month, with my hopes high again) and the time that it is taking.
"Just relax, try not to think about it so much", "you're young, give it time", etc etc, get kind of old. We tried for over a year on our own, and when I visited the OBGYN recently, I mentioned to her our issues. We began to temp and chart and time things more than we did before, and after three months I returned and was told to continue on. I have had a hysterosalpingogram and everything was clear, my husband has also had his prelim. testing, which came back clear, so I decided to make an appt with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). He did the initial ultrasound and that was fine and he would like me to get some clotting tests, further testing on my husband, and a endometrial biopsy. I am putting these things off, because I am still holding out hope for this cycle, but they are still on my list of things to do......lots to think about as I mentioned.

So, to end this first entry, I am crossing my fingers that the curse stays far away this cycle and our hopes are fulfilled. 21 cycles is a long time.......
And the job search will still continue, also.