Tomorrow would be beta

So I am still having trouble coping with our loss. I have lots of really good times and then other times I fall into this like, dark abyss, and I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me really sad. I am having trouble thinking about tomorrow. It was supposed to be the day that we got our good news, the day that we found out that we were pregnant. But not anymore.
I feel cheated. We didn't even get a chance, we weren't even able to give our babies a chance. It breaks my heart.

I still feel at odds with moving forward. But I can't imagine not moving forward either. So I told myself that if I don't hear from the RE's office by lunch tomorrow, I am going to call them and get this thing moving. We can at least get the blood tests going. And we are going to try our damndest this month to get pregnant on our own. I don't have a lot of faith that it will happen, but we can try, it's always fun to try.

Otherwise, nothing else much new. I went into the school district office on our anniversary, Thursday, and took their admin asst test. If I am selected for interviewing for this position, that will be on Friday, the 22nd. I am hoping that I get selected. I am also applying for two other jobs that they have up on their website. Cross your fingers for me. I need something positive to happen.
For our anniversary, A got me the new Rasc.all Fl.atts cd. It's pretty good. I got him a new video game and an accessory gun for the W.ii. We went for a hike yesterday and then out for dinner to celebrate. It was nice, we chatted a lot about school dances and other high school moments while we were out. Laughed a lot. I love him so very much, I am blessed to have been given this chance to make a life with him and I am loving every minute of it.

Anyway, just wanted to update and kinda vent a little. Be back soon...........

So.....yeah

I just don't know what to talk about right now. How sad is that? IVF was ruling my life and without it in the picture currently, I feel like I lack anything interesting to talk about.

Job, still the same....crappy. Check

Husband, still awesome. Check

I did get an email from one of the places that I applied asking me to come in a take a preliminary skills test in order to receive an interview. Kind of annoyed me that I have to do ANOTHER step before I can even meet with someone, but I want to get out of my current job so badly... I will do just about anything (within reason obviously!).
So that is Thursday morning. I have to call them and confirm tomorrow though. You had to call or email to reserve a spot and I emailed right away, but I haven't heard back, so I guess I will call just to be on the safe side.
I am completely unhappy at my current job though. I sit there and silently fume and get annoyed all day long. And sometimes nothing has to happen to make me feel that way. It's just from being there and doing the same thing, day in and day out.

A friend of mine/coworker might be pregnant. She was telling me this morning that she has been feeling nauseous a lot lately, not sleeping well and other things. She just started on the pill about 1 week ago, but didn't take a pregnancy test beforehand and hadn't had a period in a while. So I mentioned it to her. She stopped and got a test and told me that it looked positive so she picked up another and is going to take it tomorrow morning. She also had a doctors appt tomorrow, so if the second one is positive I told her that she should ask for a blood test. She was sweet though, she told me that if she was she would feel bad. I told her not to worry, I would be happy for her. I would never wish what we go through on someone else. So, we will see, she told me that she will let me know tomorrow what she finds out.

That's about it though. Pretty boring all in all.
Our 4th anniversary is Thursday. We are going to go out to a local Italian restaurant this upcoming weekend to celebrate. I am looking forward to it and to spending many more years with A. It's flown by!

Night for now